More Mothering Thoughts...

I wrote this post a few months ago and never published it...

First of all, I want to say thanks to those of you that occasionally comment.  I definitely don't write my blog for the world, but back in the day when I would sometimes get 50 comments it was FUN!  I'll admit, feedback is nice.  But even without it I'll keep blogging because this blog basically serves as a memory reminder for me.  I have a bad memory so this is where my memories are stored and can never be forgotten.

Recently a reader commented and asked me to write more about parenting.  I don't really know what to say about parenting except for that I think about it constantly and it is a source of joy and struggle every single day.

I may have already written about this and forgive me if I have... I have a bad memory, remember?

Anyway, last fall my kids got signed up for way too many activities.  I'm still not sure how it happened.  It was an accident.  I forgot that I had signed them up for a few things already, then friends invited them to sign up for other things, then we had the church things and school things, and yeah it became absolutely crazy.  They were all really good and great things to be involved in, but overall it was just too much.

This might embarrass me later but this is everything (that I can remember!) that my various children were doing weekly:

soccer (two teams)-4 times a week plus saturday games (6 total times a week!)
cross country- 3 times a week
volleyball- 3 times a week
drama (fall play at the school)- 1-2 times a week + performance weekend
piano- 3 lessons a week + practicing (kill me now)
young womens- 1-2 times a week
scouts- 1 time a week
gymnastics- 1 time a week

Um... that's 21 things in a week.  WHAT?!?

This list does NOT include monthly or twice monthly items or other random events that came up like singing practice for stake choir, babysitting jobs, birthday parties, HOMEWORK, family get togethers, recitals, playdates, doctor/dentist appointments, Mack's activities, or stuff that Dave and I had going on (photo sessions!). etc.etc.

Of course I want my kids to have fun, to develop talents, to make new friends and get to spend time with them, to exercise (that's a big one for me), and to figure out what they love to do... but not to this extent.

I would justify it all in my mind because we live near the schools where a lot of these activities were taking place (so not a ton of driving) and I would keep everything organized in my calendar and somehow everyone got where they needed to go... but by December I was beat to DEATH.  And I vowed I would never do that again.  Come next fall, it might be hard to keep my vow.  That's why I'm writing this post to remind myself!!

The thing about being so busy is that the most important things can more easily fall between the cracks and you find yourself desperately trying to squeeze in family time together.  And as the mom you feel like you're failing because you are frazzled, rushed, and your mind feels like it's going to explode from trying to remember everything.  Plus, the kids get too tired from their fun to work hard on homework, help around the house, and practice piano.

I learned from this experience that one of the most important things for me as a Mom is nightly family dinner- with ALL of us there together eating and talking.  And when that doesn't happen at least 4-5 times a week I feel bad.   I also care A LOT about working- teaching my kids to work and making them work.  If they're so busy doing other things that they don't even have time to do a few basic household chores per day I feel like I'm not doing my job the way I should.

Remember- this is just me personally and I don't think any other mom is failing if she has different priorities or ways of doing things.  In fact, I love to hear other ways that Moms work to make their family function well.  We are all different and no one way is the only right way, I just know what makes me feel good and at peace with myself in my mothering role.

So next time I am tempted to sign them up for one more thing I will read this post and especially this quote:

I want to be a "mother that knows" in many ways, and I think an important one is to do less, and choose carefully.  Right now all that we have going on is:

1 piano lesson a week
1 voice lesson a week
young womens- 1 time per week
scouts- 1 time per week
Track- 1 time per week

That's 5 things per week (and a few monthly activities) and that's much better.

And you know what we have a lot more time for?  Eachother, peace, resting, walks, hikes, bike rides, family dinners, outings, cooking together, working on the house together, dates, and just breathing!  I love it.

A few last things:

1. I love my children a lot but I also love breaks from my children.  That's another thing that falls between the cracks when your kids are so busy- time for MOM!  And time for mom and dad.  So don't read that quote up there and feel bad if you actually don't want to spend that much time with your kids.... it's normal to feel that way.  And it doesn't mean you don't love them.  I personally just need consistent alone time to feel peaceful.

2.  One of the main reasons I have a hard time saying no to activities is because I see a lot of potential in my kids.  I know we all see that in our children and can't help but feel like we don't want to squash that potential or hold them back from something that is good for them, and could end up being great for them!  When I feel like this I try to remember that most kids just end up being normal, average, everyday people.  I mean, how many of us are olympic athletes or professional dancers?  How many of us have some amazing, outstanding, awesome talent that we spent our childhood perfecting and still use to this day?  There are definitley amazing people around us but I don't necessarily want my kids to grow up and become a professional athlete or concert pianist.... and in reality they probably wouldn't anyway.  Most of the talents I admire in others are things that come naturally to them and or were cultivated as adults.

I want my kids to grow up and be good people: hard workers, intelligent, kind, giving, service-minded, fun, making a difference in small ways and most importantly... happy.   I want them to be people that can find happiness/joy and peace in everyday living and even amidst trials.  I also want them to be family people.  People who have children and put thought into raising them well to make small differences in the world around them.  These things aren't necessarily learned through sports and music.  Sports and music are great but moderation in all things is the key I think.  Sometimes when we haven't had enough going on we tend to go a little crazy- we all like to be busy and feel productive and have things to do.  I think it's important to find what works best for your family and go with that.

So, there you go.  My thoughts on parenting and some things I've been learning in the last year.

Parenting.... Again. And Other Stuff.

I recently did a 5 random things post on Instagram and one thing that I wrote was that I obsess over my parenting too much and if I'd just leave my kids alone they'd probably be better off.  Since I wrote that I've been noticing it a lot.  I think about parenting so much!  I worry that I'm not doing things right or that the things I think I'm doing right could turn out to be wrong.  My kids are getting older and my parenting needs to change as they grow to fit their needs.  That's hard for me.  I get used to doing things a certain way and I have to try hard to adjust.  It is a never ending challenge for me.  But for the most part I like the subject of parenting.  I like to make goals and try to be better.  I love having moments where thoughts just click and what your doing makes sense.  I love when I have a day where I feel like I did a good job.  

Here is what I'm working on right now:

LOVE- We had a church meeting recently and one of the talks was on love.  It was so, so good.  I sat there and realized that I'm always trying to find the right answers to our problems/dilemmas/situations, but it's easy-  the answer is always love.  If you don't feel it, pray for it.  And even if I don't teach my kids anything, or if I fail in everything, as long as I loved them and they know it and can feel it, then I'm good.  So I've been trying to respond with love to whatever comes up.  It's hard and I'm not super awesome at it yet!  But when I succeed it feels so good.  "He that knoweth not love, knoweth not God, for God is love."  

FUN- I am trying to be more of a fun Mom.  Life gets crazy and I feel like I'm the one that has to balance it all and it can just wipe the fun right out of me.  I used to more fun.  But getting older, more tired, trials, etc can make a person more serious.  Not that we have hard things going on right now- we don't.  And I'm happy.  I just crave more simple, quiet time so if we ever have a spare moment that's what I want to do!  And for kids, simple and quiet does not equal fun.  So I'm working on bringing my fun back.

SEEING THE HAND OF GOD IN MY LIFE- this was a recent Sunday School lesson that I taught my class so it has been on my mind.  I'm trying to write a few sentences each night on how God blessed our family that day.  I bought my kids a journal and we talked about it and they are doing it too.  Their entries have been so precious.  The more I do this, the more I see the blessings.  I'm so thankful for that.  I have a list a page long of tender mercies I've experienced recently- it's amazing how they stand out when you look for them.

That's all for parenting for now.  A few other things:

*I'm going to do love week again.  Starting tomorrow.  Want to join me??

*Those butterscotch chocolate caramels from Trader Joes that I mentioned in a recent post are OUT!  If anyone sees them at any Trader Joes anywhere can you buy me some?  I'm completely obsessed and would die of happiness to have a bag again.  I will pay you back including shipping and tip.

*The other day I had a strange experience where I was working with a toddler that seemed like such a big boy to me and then I found out he was born 6 days before Mack.  It hit me like a ton of bricks that my BABY will be two very soon and is a toddler, not a baby.  It's hard to explain but it was trippy and blew my mind.  Now I am looking at him in a whole new light and realizing I need to start treating him like the age he really is.  He's so much more capable than I give him credit for- it's weird.

Below you will find some adorable pictures of my lover boy Mr. Mack Harlow.  I love his fake smile pose in this first photo and his bow tie and baggy pants makes me cry inside with joy. 

Until next time.....

Another Reason Why My Kids Should Appreciate Me More

I think I'm pretty much the bomb at making school lunches. In my opinion, my kids do not appreciate my lunches as much as they should.

First of all, there are homemade cookies 95% of the time.

Second of all, I pretty much buy anything they mention they would like to have in their lunches. And I surprise them with it.

Third, I mix it up. Most days of the week it is something different than the day before.... rarely the same thing twice in a row.

How lucky can these children be?

Each lunch includes a drink (or money for milk), a sandwich (pb&j, deli, or uncrustable), fruit item (strawberries, grapes, apples or bananas), one dessert (homemade cookies or other homemade baked goods depending on what I was craving the day before), crackers or chips (for snack recess).

Some of our recent favorite lunch time items include:

*my homemade cookies (of course)

*squeezable applesauce:

*Fruit leather:

*chocolate milk (occasional treat)

*JIF peanut butter to go with apple slices:

*Frozen Gogurt

*Pirates Booty

*Occasional mini candybar for a little surprise treat!

I really should start making myself a lunch at the same time because usually around 12:30 everyday I'm in the kitchen digging for something to eat and this week it has been chips and salsa or hunks of sour dough bread. My kids have it real good.

More posts to come about my awesomeness.

She Rides!

Last week Macey learned to ride her two wheeler without training wheels. Let me tell you it was a hilarious and aggravating experience.

Macey wears her heart on her sleeve which is a nice way of saying she is extremely erratically emotional. When I would let go of the bike she would burst into tears while laughing a loud and crazed laugh. It sounds impossible but ask Lexi, it is possible. She was laughing and crying at the same time the whole time. It was hilarious and frusterating too because really, laughing and crying makes it pretty hard to see what you're doing, and when trying to ride a bike it is very important to be watching the road ahead.

It only took her one evening to be able to do it but she wasn't able to do it without laughing and crying for another day or two. The child is going to be the death of me. I love her so much and I appreciate her spirit but the emotions can be hard to deal with sometimes!

She is proud of herself. We staged a suprise to show Daddy and he came home during daylight hours one night to see it. She loved surprising him.








Now a few thoughts on this photo of me running. I do not walk or run pigeon-toed but it looks like it in the picture. Just wanted to set the record straight on that one. Also, as you can see Buster is in the left hand side of this photo. I realized awhile ago that I never finished the Buster saga story on my blog. The last post written about him was the one about giving him away. Well, it didn't work out and he is with us still. He and I, we still hate eachother but we have made peace with it. And I tried to save him from a raccoon the other night so that was really nice of me.

Video's of Macey riding below. If you listen carefully you can hear the crazed laugh.

What Would You Do?

Logan lost his first front top tooth. I no longer know him- he is a different kid to me now. Big. With missing teeth and soon to have large ones filling in the little holes.

(before)

(after)

He lost it in the middle of sacrament meeting at church. I already feel like a spectacle with whirlwind CC all over the place and then Logan stands up, pulls his tooth out with a huge smile and not so quietly whispers "I pulled my tooth out!"

I need your advice. For Christmas I was not thinking straight and bought Logan a gumball machine. We bought two containers full of gumballs. Ever since Christmas he has been chewing them. Whenever I would see a big old wad in his mouth I would think "cavities!" and curse myself for buying such a dumb gift.

Then I found out that instead of using money to buy the gumballs and thus having a small savings account locked away in the gumball machine, he has been unscrewing the top to get the gum. THEN I found out that he figured out how to get the bank part of it open and has been using the small amount of money that was in there to buy more.

THEN I found some wadded up pieces of gum stuck on the underside of his bed frame. This was uncharacteristically naughty and I was shocked. I immediately took the gumball machine away and told him that he was not responsible enough for such a toy. He whined and complained and asked me if he would ever get it back. I told him I would think about it.

Here is where you come in. Please tell me if it is ok to take a Christmas gift away and never give it back? Will I be the meanest mom ever for doing this? Does he need more of a punishment for sticking the gum on his bed? What sort of amends can he make? Should I give him another chance or trash the thing forever (which is what I want to do). He told me that he should at least get the money that it cost if I take away his present. That FOR SURE is never happening.

Also, take the polls on my sidebar. I'm curious and want to justify my behavior.

My Hero

My sister Kaley is off track at college and home for this semester. She came up to my house this week and stayed for 2 days to help me.

I'm not going to lie and pretend to be superwoman or something. This 2 babies thing is HARD!! It's killing me!! I know eventually I'll get used to not being able to do anything else except baby-care, but it is frustrating right now to not get one thing done most days. I go from baby to baby to baby and back again. I'll get one baby settled and the next one needs me. I'll change one diaper only to smell another poopy on another bum a minute later. I'll get one down for a nap just as the other cries out from their crib! It is exhausting, sometimes hilarious (in a depressing/emotional way), and high-stress too. I knew it would be hard but you never really know till you're in it!

Lexi and Logan were close in age but they were both very easy, mellow and low-key/happy babies so it was do-able. These babies are different and "high needs" so it is more stressful, demanding and tiring. Also, I'm 9 years older then I was last time. That makes a huge difference. I am a major fan of having babies when you're young!

Anyway, Kaley came over, took care of the kids, picked up my house, did my dishes and hung out with me. I got to run errands alone, take a nap (best part), and go to the doctor with just one kid instead of 3 like usual. I also got to bake some cookies, do some laundry and make dinner- all things that have been impossible lately. It was very nice and so helpful. I really super bad wish she could just live with me this semester but I know my parents want her around too! Pluse she has a job. Also, I'm sure her ideal life right now does not include a household of 5 children. Even though she rocks at childcare and household duties. Kaley thank you! You are my hero!

Homework Strategies

The man himself- John Rosemond

Some of you asked about our new "homework strategy." I recently read the book, "Ending the Homework Hassle" by John Rosemond. My kids don't have issues with their homework (except Logan who just doesn't like to do it) but I wanted to read this while my kids were young just to make sure I don't let any homework issues develop.

If you're like me and just want to start off right then you don't really need this book. Just read this blog- I'll tell you the main points. A lot of the book focuses on kids and parents who are really struggling.  So if you are struggling, or you just want more than this little post can give, then buy the book.

John believes that parents are too involved in homework (and everything else in kids' lives these days). He believes that overinvolvment leads to parents taking the responsibility for their kids' educations and dragging their kids along. He believes parents are scared their kids will "mess up" if left on their own, not do well and, therefore, make their parents look like "bad parents."

It's true; if left on their own, kids will make mistakes. That's a good thing: mistakes allow for valuable learning experiences, right? We all know that.

I figure if you let your kids make the mistakes when they're young- in 2nd and 3rd grade in my case- then they'll learn those lessons when they're young before their grades really matter. So that's what I am doing.

If we decide to use it that way, homework can be a great way to help your kids learn life lessons like: Responsibility, Autonomy, Perseverance, Time Management, Initiative, Self-Reliance and Resourcefulness. It can also be a horrible thing if you're fighting with your kid all of the time over it or letting it take over the entire family's evening and into the night.

John: "It stands to reason: The more responsibility a parent assumes for homework, the less the child will assume. The more help a parent provides, the more the child will acquire a feeling of helplessness. The harder a parent works to protect a child from failure, the more the child will begin to feel like a failure. After all, you don't need to be protected from failure unless you are in danger of becoming one, now do you?"

John's ABC's of Effective Homework Management:

A STANDS FOR "ALL BY MYSELF":
The child does his homework in a private, personal place preferrably a desk in his room rather than in a public, family place like the kitchen table. This helps the parents avoid the temptaion to hover, and helps the child define homework as his personal responsibility.

When homework is done in a family area it becomes a family affair. When homework is done in a central area it becomes the center of the evening. The child who is allowed to do his homework at the kitchen table is allowed a certain control over the family and can command family attention and distract memebers from other, more important things (like being married or enjoying leisure time together).

So get your child a desk in his room and make sure it is stocked with everything he will need to do his homework, and good lighting. He should be able to work there quietly without leaving the room for anything.

B STANDS FOR "BACK OFF":
The parents must stay out of the child's homework unless the child asks you to be involved. You do not ask questions about how he is doing or offer suggestions (maybe if you turned that music down etc.) You also do not rush to his aid if you hear him pounding his head on the desk. Remember, learning the hard way is good.

If the child asks for your help they must bring the books and paper to you. You do not go running up there at the child's call. The responsibilty of getting help is on their shoulders- they must come to you and ask for it. See the book for more info on this one.

C STANDS FOR "CALL IT QUITS":

Set an upper time limit for when homework should be done. The child can choose when to start, but you set a rule of when it must be done. Like every night by 8:00. If they are not done by then, they don't get to finish and they suffer the consequences from their teacher at school. The time should be consistent every night but can be suspended for major tests coming up in which they need to study longer or large projects that take extra time.

Couple of extra things: These ABC's should obviously be adjusted for younger children. They need a little more management until they can do it on their own.

In our house, Lexi, who is in 3rd grade can totally do her homework on her own, in her room, and bring it to me when she needs help or needs it checked. Logan, on the other hand, needs me to help him get set up at his desk. We hang the homework list for the week on his wall and I go over it with him. Then I leave and he works on it but I stay upstairs just to make sure he's not getting distracted. Hopefully over time I will be able to go downstairs and leave him alone longer and he'll get it done.

Every morning he has to bring reading tickets in to class. Every morning I would remind him 100 times to find his reading tickets, get them filled out, bring them to me to sign, and put them in his backpack. After reading this book I gradually stopped reminding him. I told him once every morning for awhile and then stopped reminding him completely. He forgot them a few days and had to stay in at recess. He has also lost his homework once in his messy room and had consequences for it at school. BUT for the most part he totally remembers on his own to get his reading tickets done. It's actually kind of a miracle. He is a forgetful kid but now that he knows I am not in charge and I'm not going to do it, he has stepped up to the plate. He also knows there are consequences at school. If your kids teacher doesn't do consequences you should ask them to. Staying in at recess is a big deal for Logan and it motivates him to get it done. Hallelujah.

Homework has been so much better since I read this book. When the kids get home in the afternoon we have a snack and then they head upstairs. It takes Logan awhile because sometimes he plays but he is at least quiet and not being distracted by everything downstairs (me getting dinner ready, Macey playing, the phone ringing etc.).

I have to go up and remind him of the time sometimes. I just say, "remember you have to be done by 4:30 because we have soccer and dinner and then we can play tonight after that if you have your stuff done." He looks at the clock and we figure how much time he has left and pretty soon he's done. It really is great.

As they get older I'll have to adjust the ending time to allow for after school sports etc. For now, their sports are in the evening so they do homework after school. I like them to be done before dinner and soccer so we can all hang out before bedtime.

We started these new homework strategies at the beginning of the school year (beginning of August for us). It has taken the whole month to really get it going. So be patient. It's really only been the last week or two that Logan has stopped complaining and started just doing it upstairs on his own and somewhat quickly. He is remembering it more and I am seeing much more responsibility from him.

I definitely recommend trying it out.

If you want to borrow my book we can pass it around and share. Let me know.

**disclaimer- I do not agree with and believe everything John says.  Just most stuff.

Preparing Nails for Spring

A Tuesday in March

This morning I woke up, after only a few, very interrupted hours of sleep, to a still-feverish child and another child having continuous coughing attacks. I rushed to get Logan ready to school. We ran out the door and into our car that wouldn't start. The kids had left the light on in it all night.

I love our neighborhood. When I realized our car wouldn't start I walked out onto the sidewalk and saw two neighbors, both who have children in Logan's grade, getting their kids in the car and I ran over and got Logan a ride. Then I called another neighbor who came by on his way to work to jump-start my car. It's nice to be surrounded by nice people.

The girls and I had a quiet morning at home. Quiet, except for the coughing, that is. I finally took Lexi into the Dr. because she's had this cough for one month and it was getting worse. I slapped down $200 for the appointment and prescription (she has a sinus infection). Giving up the $200 really hurt me. I felt like someone had mugged me and left me lying on the side of the road with bruises and no money. It is our fault for choosing the medical plan we have. Dave says it will pay off in the end but it doesn't feel like it.

Next, I sat at piano and then baseball. I have opinions on organized sports. Why is there so much parent involvement? Kids seem so helpless these days- but it's only because the parents won't let them be anything else. There are 5 dads that help out our team. I am thankful for them, but still, something has gone wrong over the years. John Rosemond would say something like "what happened to playing baseball in a dirt field down the road with a stick for a bat and your neighborhood friends?" I have to agree. We know no one on our team- not one of the children are from our neighborhood or school. The kids do not direct practice in any way- they don't even really know what they're doing. They just do what they're told and gaze at the birds flying over head in between drills. Oh well. Logan loves it.

But what I was going to say is practice was supposed to end at 6 so that we could come home and have dinner. Well, the coach didn't let them out until 6:25 and I was mad. You know me and my time issues! We had to rush dinner and Macey was practically asleep by the end of it. Not the best "swing shift" today. Again, oh well. What can you do?

The positives for today were:
hanging with my girls at home
the sunny weather
robin eggs (the kind you eat)
cleaning my room
doing my photography homework (picture shown above is called "panning"- but I think he's supposed to be more in focus- but the streaky background worked.)
AND
nice neighbors who helped me out when I needed it

Oh and speaking of neighbors, Radio is still around.  In fact, he leaned over the fence just the other day and asked me how much my house cost.  Then, a little later he asked Dave for a radio and then gifted him an old scratched up cd.  Poor guy is probably just desperate for a little music in his life.....

Micro-management is Bad

Thanks everyone for your help and ideas on the last post. I had to hide it for obvious reasons but my brother LOVED it!! I'll will update you in January.

I almost always like what John Rosemond (the parenting guy) says, and today when I checked in on his website I saw that he wrote about something that I've been trying work on with my kids! So I must share with you.


John says, "Regardless of where they are found, "micro-managers" create tense environments where conflict, deceit, and disloyalty are the inevitable outcomes."

He also says that when we micro-manage our children we give them the message that they are not capable enough to handle even minor responsibilities.

I am working on this. I think self-esteem comes when a child feels that they can do things for themselves. When they feel like they are "capable" and can handle "big person" tasks! It is so much easier to do everything for your children (a.k.a. micro-manage them) instead of letting them learn how to do it on their own!

Especially since my 3 kids are all close in age I tend to lump them all together and do everything the same with all of them. I'm trying to remember that Lexi is almost 7 and can do a lot for herself. I'm trying not to micro-manage her as much as I used to have to when she was little. I'm trying to treat her more like the big girl that she is!

For example, making lunch for school every morning. If your children can do it for themselves, why not let them? My kids can do this at night right before bed so I need to let them.

Recently I swallowed my controlling instincts and let Lexi make a batch of cookies ALL BY HERSELF. She did a great job, didn't get burned, and cleaned up the mess pretty well. She read all of the instructions on the recipe and went for it! I sat at the table making jewelry and it was grand. Especially when I got to eat the cookies afterward having not lifted a finger.

Also, I've been having her carry the dry laundry upstairs and fold it. Yes, things might be a teense wrinkled but it is AWESOME for me to do one less batch, and Lexi loves it! She pretends that she is a mom the whole time and thinks she is so cool. How long will that last?

So, for a controlling person like me, these are baby steps and I am proud of them. Just thought I'd share what I'm working on. Lots of times I totally believe in a concept but have a hard time following through and doing it! So when I do, I'm happy. The end.

Rosemond Report.... Arguing in Front of the Kids

Arguing with your Spouse...... is it o.k. in front of your kids??

John Rosemond says yes... to a point.

Most parents are taught that it is not a good idea to fight with your spouse in front of the children.

But how else will they learn what committed marriages are really about?

Do we really want them growing up believing that marriage is always a walk in the park?

No, they need to learn that arguments come with marriage. They also need to learn that arguments don't destroy people. Finally, they need to learn how to engage in constructive disagreement with other people. If you don't teach them... who will?

Obviously there are some arguments that children shouldn't hear. As a parent you have to be responsible, and argue in a constructive, civilized way. That doesn't mean you can't raise your voices, but you should never belittle or slander one another.

Some arguments you need to have when the children are in bed.

John says when you choose to argue in front of the children it is important not to let them interrupt you. Simply explain to them you are disagreeing with each other and trying to work it out, and if they don't like it they can leave the room. You must also tell them that they can not interrupt or start crying. If they do they will be sent to their room.




OK this was interesting to me because Dave and I definitely have tried not to fight in front of the kids. But then sometimes you can't help it and you just get mad and it all comes out in the moment!! Actually this happens frequently. Then I have always felt bad afterward that the kids saw it.

But after reading this, I don't feel guilty anymore. I agree that it is probably good for your kids to see that people don't always agree, and we express our opinions and argue, but that we are still committed to each other, and still love each other when it is all over.


What do you think??

Rosemond Report..... Kids and Attention

"Attention Addiction"

Parents have been fed a myth for many years..... the myth is that "children need lots of attention."


This is not true!

Attention is like food.

John says, "Children need food. But they don't need a lot of it. If you persist in giving a child more food than he or she needs, that child will become dependent upon continuing to receive excessive amounts of food. If you continue to feed that dependency, it will grow into an obsession that will function as a powerful force in that child's life. The child's sense of well-being will lean increasingly on the idea that in order to feel secure, he must have ready access to food. Eventually, the child will become a food addict, and the addiction will hang like a stone around the child's neck encumbering the growth of self-esteem."

Now read that paragraph again substituting the word "attention" every time you see the word food.


We as parents must set limits as to how much attention a child is allowed to consume in the family.

We all know children who are addicted to attention. The child who interrupts, who would rather be in the room with the adults than playing with the other children. The child who talks constantly and loudly or acts silly all of the time. Or behaves badly to divert the parent from what they are doing at the moment.

John states that children who grow up with the illusion that they are the most important member of the family will never want to leave that cozy, comfortable position that they are in.

Why do you think over 50% of high school graduates are still single and living at home?

Our main job as parents is to teach our children how to become independent and ready to leave the nest when it is their time. Our job is to teach them how to grow up and have happy successful lives on their own. Right?

Teaching them how to do this is a process that starts from they day they are born and continues for about 20 years.

Give more attention to your spouse and your marriage than to your children, and the whole family will benefit in many ways.

Do you agree? Has this worked for you?





Next up:
The REAL meaning of quality time

Rosemont Report..... Point 1

Point One: The Parent-Centered Family

John says that the secret to raising happy, healthy children is to put the MARRIAGE first!


When the family is "child-centered," that means the children are the most important, and the child-parent relationships is the most important. And the more "child-centered" the American family has become, the more demandingly self-centered the children have become.




*****John says, "by putting your children first in your family, you guarantee they will become manipulative, demanding, and unappreciative of anything and everything you do for them. You guarantee they will grow up believing they can do as they please, that it's unfair for you to expect them to lift a finger of responsibility around the home, and that it's your duty to give them everything they want and serve them in every conceivable way. Putting your child first will guarantee that you will experience parenthood as one of the most frustrating and unrewarding things you've ever done. It further guarantees the ultimate unhappiness of your children, because happiness is achieved only by accepting responsibility for ones' self, not by being led to believe that someone else is responsible for you."


That is why the marriage must come first. If the marriage and the parents are strong and their needs are being met and they are healthy and happy together, than the family will become that way too.


The divorce rate for couples ages 45 and older is growing much faster than any other age group.


Why? Because the children have always been put first, above the marriage. Then, when the children leave the home, the couples realize they have nothing left, they don't know how to be a couple because they've spent the last 25 years only being parents.

So how do you put the marriage first above all else???

1) by giving more attention to the marriage than to the children. Don't let your children demand attention from you until you're ready to give it. Children really don't need that much attention... I will post on this next.

2) by not playing the "who had the worst day" or the "guess what' s on my mind" games with your spouse.

3) by putting your kids to bed EARLY and spending time together just being husband and wife (and John says, turn off the t.v.)

4) by not allowing your children to interrupt you or your spouse, ever.

5) by having a weekly Parent's Night Out, that NOTHING can interfere with!


Have any of these worked for you??



The list goes on!

Stay tuned!

John Rosemond

This guy is my favorite as far as child-rearing "experts" go. I think it was my mom who first introduced him to me. I like all of his ideas, and just the general philosophies he has about raising children.

I am reading a book by him right now called, "Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy, Children." I love it. So I've decided to share it with you.

Some of you might think this is boring but it is SO interesting to me. I love to freshen up my parenting skills every once in awhile. So I'm going to be doing a series of blogs about points John makes in his book.

Maybe they can help someone out there who might be struggling at the moment with a child. We all need help in the parenting department right?

Maybe we don't, according to John.

He believes that we, as a society focus too much on "raising children."

He says that it is within all of us to know how to parent the right way, and we think too much about whether or not we are doing things "right." He says we need to just go with our heart and our gut feelings and we'll do fine.

I agree.

John says that when he and his wife tried to follow what the "experts" were saying, this is what happened,

"They (meaning the experts) said to respect Eric (his son) as an equal, but the more respect we showed him, the less he showed us. They said families should be democratic, but the more democratic we were, the more of a tyrant Eric became. They said it was wrong to control children, but the less control we exercised, the more out-of-control he was. The more wrong things went, the more guilty we felt, the more insecure Eric was, and the more crazy we all were!"

Have you ever felt that before? Or have you ever known a family that this was happening to? I have. And I have felt the guilt for sure. But we'll talk more about that later.

Tune in for the next "Rosemond Report" on.....


Attention Addiction

**The M&M Stay in Bed Chart**

My kids have not been staying in bed at night! We put them down and then they spend the next hour coming down one at a time or together to ask for food, ask for more songs or back scratches, ask for the light on, complain that the other one is talking too much etc. etc. So I decided we need a plan. Something for them to work for.

We made up the "M&M stay in bed" chart. Every night before bed we put 5 M&M's in a plastic bag for each of them and set it on the counter. Once they are tucked in, they have to stay in bed. If they get out, we take an M&M out of their bag, if we hear them playing or talking we take an M&M out of their bag. In the morning we count how many they each have left and that is how many points they get to put on their chart. And then they can eat the M&M's that they have left over. The first person to get 30 points gets a "stay up late" party.

It worked!!! For a whole week they went to bed so well! In total, they each only lost 3 M&M's so they reached 30 points after 7 nights. They both reached it at the same time so they got to have the party together. They got to rent a movie and pick treats out at the store to put in Ice Cream Sundaes. For the party we totally let them go crazy on their sundaes. They made huge ones and luckily didn't eat it all. We are starting the points over again tonight and now they have to get 50 points to earn a party. This has been the best for me because once they're in bed, they're in bed and my free time can start! Yay! So that's my tip for any of you moms out there struggling with children who won't go to sleep. The end.

Here are pictures of my kids gigantic sundaes. Wow. Oh yeah and we rented the move, "8 Below." Which was really good and which made my little 6 year old Lexi bawl her eyes out. It was sweet.

wiping bums all day long.....

I should write a song about it. I swear, some days I feel like all I do is wipe bums! I know Logan's 4 and should be wiping himself by now but he's not, OK? And Macey is potty training right now! I know it's crazy and she's too young but she's forcing me to do it! She won't stop talking about it and running into the bathroom and taking her diaper off etc. She just really wants to go on the potty.... so that's why were doing it. But it is no fun. Potty training is the worst. It's having to run at full speed from the back of Target to the bathroom in the front of Target when your child says, "mommy potty." It's having to clean poo off of the carpet while the blinds guy is measuring your windows because you were too busy talking to him to notice your child saying, "mommy poo poos." It's having to give your child a treat every other minute for going potty and then they're too full of treats to eat regular food. It's having to use public restrooms (SICK!) and squat in front of the potty holding your child on it for 10 minutes waiting for her to go because she said she had too! And you wouldn't want to discourage it or say, "just go in your diaper" because you might ruin the whole thing for good! aaaaahhhh! Although I have said, "just go in your diaper" a few times like when my grocery cart is full, or we're at a soccer game miles away from any restroom. But then I have to watch Macey have an anxiety attack about it and cry and say, "potty mommy, out! potty out mommy! Macey potty, mommy, potty, me, mommy, potty! a hundred times!!!! And the worst part about it is that she's doing really great, but I'm afraid the excitement will wear off and she'll then have accidents for the next year. Cross your fingers for me that that won't happen. Now c'mom share your potty training experiences with me.... I know there are some good ones out there!

good things for kids

My kids have been playing really well lately. They have a few favorite things that they love to play. Now don't get me wrong, they haven't given up playing dogs or jaguar family, it's just that they've broadened their horizons. (Thank heavens, I'm so sick of animals all over the house, which was worsened when my friend bought my kids dogs dishes (you know who you are (o:)

Anyway these are the toys they've been loving lateley!

MANCALA
For those of you out there that haven't played, it's super fun and kids can play it by themselves and practice their counting skills. My kids played it the other night before bed in their underwear. Lexi is super competitive and I'm pretty sure she was tricking Logan a lot but he didn't know and still had fun.

Pattern blocks. If you don't any of these, get some! Acutally we are just borrowing ours from Uncle Landon (thanks Landon and sorry we haven't returned them yet!) My kids will sit for a long time and put together different shapes and patters... great toy!
Their next favorite thing is OTTER POPS! They are supposedley only allowed 2 per day but we end up having more, I love them too! They are easy for even Macey to eat and best of all they don't get your kid all sticky, yae! Sorry about Macey's snot in the picture she has a cold.


Last but not least my kids love to just hang around on me. The other day they were all trying to sit on my lap when I sat down on the floor for a split second. So I took a picture of us. I know I don't play with my kids as much as other moms but when I can spare a minute or two I try to at least sit down and watch what they're doing or read them a book. Since I don't play with them a ton they have learned to entertain themselves really well and keep busy even when they're alone. Yae!

Sick of the Mess!!!!!

Help! I am so sick of my house right now. I have raised 3 SLOBBY children who leave their junk everywhere and I have had it! I need help. Everywhere I turn there is a mess and piles of junk. I take time almost every night (not to mention the time during the day) to get the place in order and the next morning by 9 am the floor is covered again. We have most of our toys in the garage so I have no idea where all of the stuff comes from! As I look at my floor right now I see shoes, paper, rocks?!?, a toothbrush, light bright pegs, bowls (they're not even allowed to eat on the carpet!!!), books, baskets, books, more books, paper, project crafts from school, blankets, socks, a backpack, oh and there's a snotty tisuue! WOW! It is a nightmare and I want to throw it all away. I've threatened that but then can't follow through becasue I think someday we'll wish we had that item back. I feel like I can't get anything done until the house is clean and it is impossible to get it all the way clean all at the same time. Does anyone have any help they can give me? What works for you? What is the one organizational or house cleaning tip that has saved your life? Any punishment/get your kids to work tricks? Seriously, I can't stand this another day! Send me your advice.

One on One time

So today I tried out my new idea for getting one on one time with my kids. Some days the time goes by so fast and I am so busy cleaning, cooking, taking care of Macey that I don't get a lot of time with Lexi and Logan and especially they rarely get me all to themselves. So I started a new program. Everyday during Macey's nap we are going to do one on one time. Today I put both kids in their room while I set it up. Then I went upstairs and got Logan and brought him down to begin. First we started off playing "guess which cup." I put an M&M underneath a cup and mixed a bunch of different cups around and he had to guess which cup it was under. Then, if they get it right they get to eat the M&M. They loved it! Then we moved on to puzzles. He got to pick a puzzle for us to do together. Next was the interview. We went into another room and had a personal interview about life and what makes him happy/sad/excited etc. The answers both of them gave were so cute and it was a good chance for me to really listen and talk to them. Then he got to pick one book for me to read. Then I gave Logan a piggy-back ride upstairs and picked Lexi up for her one on one time. We did the same thing together that I did with Logan. Anyway... they each lasted 15-20 minutes... not a big deal and the kids loved it. I'm going to start a bin with special stuff in it that they only get to play with during one on one time. So I"m excited about my new idea! Some days when I am tucking them in bed I just feel like I haven't really connected with them that day. We are all always together but usually I'm busy cleaning up or getting my own stuff done. Logan almost cried when one on one time ended cause he loved it so much. So I just thought I'd blog about it and give anyone out there an idea if they are looking for one.....