Thanks everyone for your help and ideas on the last post. I had to hide it for obvious reasons but my brother LOVED it!! I'll will update you in January.
I almost always like what John Rosemond (the parenting guy) says, and today when I checked in on his website I saw that he wrote about something that I've been trying work on with my kids! So I must share with you.
John says, "Regardless of where they are found, "micro-managers" create tense environments where conflict, deceit, and disloyalty are the inevitable outcomes."
He also says that when we micro-manage our children we give them the message that they are not capable enough to handle even minor responsibilities.
I am working on this. I think self-esteem comes when a child feels that they can do things for themselves. When they feel like they are "capable" and can handle "big person" tasks! It is so much easier to do everything for your children (a.k.a. micro-manage them) instead of letting them learn how to do it on their own!
Especially since my 3 kids are all close in age I tend to lump them all together and do everything the same with all of them. I'm trying to remember that Lexi is almost 7 and can do a lot for herself. I'm trying not to micro-manage her as much as I used to have to when she was little. I'm trying to treat her more like the big girl that she is!
For example, making lunch for school every morning. If your children can do it for themselves, why not let them? My kids can do this at night right before bed so I need to let them.
Recently I swallowed my controlling instincts and let Lexi make a batch of cookies ALL BY HERSELF. She did a great job, didn't get burned, and cleaned up the mess pretty well. She read all of the instructions on the recipe and went for it! I sat at the table making jewelry and it was grand. Especially when I got to eat the cookies afterward having not lifted a finger.
Also, I've been having her carry the dry laundry upstairs and fold it. Yes, things might be a teense wrinkled but it is AWESOME for me to do one less batch, and Lexi loves it! She pretends that she is a mom the whole time and thinks she is so cool. How long will that last?
So, for a controlling person like me, these are baby steps and I am proud of them. Just thought I'd share what I'm working on. Lots of times I totally believe in a concept but have a hard time following through and doing it! So when I do, I'm happy. The end.
Showing posts with label Rosemond. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rosemond. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Monday, August 06, 2007
Rosemond Report.... Last One
Guys, here's the thing. I'm kind of sick of writing the Rosemond reports. It is like doing homework and I am done with school so I shouldn't be doing homework.
Also, my book is due at the library. I finished it and I really liked it. I agree with him on a lot of parenting issues. I've gotten some anonymous comments from people telling me that he's lied in his personal life etc. But I don't really care about his "real life," I just think his parenting philosophies are good.
So... I'm going to tell you what his 6 points are. If you want more information you can ask me, or go and check out the book. I recommend it.
Point 1. Pay more attention to your marriage than to you children. Put first things first and keep them there.
Point 2. Expect your children to obey. Stop apologizing for the decisions you make in their lives. Essential to a child's sense of security is a parent who is authoritative, decisive, and trustworthy.......powerful.
Point 3. Expect, from an early age, your child to make regular, tangible contributions to the family in the form of CHORES. Make them responsible members of the family AND responsible for themselves. Stop trying to catch them every time they fall.... they will learn best the hard way.
Point 4. Give your child regular doses of Vitamin N. NO!!! This is an essential vitamin that too many kids do not get enough of. When they fall on the floor kicking and screaming about it, give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done. Frustrating them now will teach them how to deal with life better as adults.
Point 5. When toys are concerned, less is more. When children tell us they're bored they're really telling us they've been given too much, too soon. (This is a personal favorite, we are in the process of giving away TONS of toys and I LOVE it.)
Point 6. Don't allow more than 5 hours of good T.V. a week. Give your children one of the most precious gifts of opportunity possible in this age of high-tech: growing years that are not constantly sidetracked by the flicker of the plug-in drug. (This is another personal favorite because I HATE t.v.)
So there you go. The 6 point plan for raising happy, healthy, children. And I think it's a great book so check it out.
End of Rosemond for now.
Also, my book is due at the library. I finished it and I really liked it. I agree with him on a lot of parenting issues. I've gotten some anonymous comments from people telling me that he's lied in his personal life etc. But I don't really care about his "real life," I just think his parenting philosophies are good.
So... I'm going to tell you what his 6 points are. If you want more information you can ask me, or go and check out the book. I recommend it.
Point 1. Pay more attention to your marriage than to you children. Put first things first and keep them there.
Point 2. Expect your children to obey. Stop apologizing for the decisions you make in their lives. Essential to a child's sense of security is a parent who is authoritative, decisive, and trustworthy.......powerful.
Point 3. Expect, from an early age, your child to make regular, tangible contributions to the family in the form of CHORES. Make them responsible members of the family AND responsible for themselves. Stop trying to catch them every time they fall.... they will learn best the hard way.
Point 4. Give your child regular doses of Vitamin N. NO!!! This is an essential vitamin that too many kids do not get enough of. When they fall on the floor kicking and screaming about it, give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done. Frustrating them now will teach them how to deal with life better as adults.
Point 5. When toys are concerned, less is more. When children tell us they're bored they're really telling us they've been given too much, too soon. (This is a personal favorite, we are in the process of giving away TONS of toys and I LOVE it.)
Point 6. Don't allow more than 5 hours of good T.V. a week. Give your children one of the most precious gifts of opportunity possible in this age of high-tech: growing years that are not constantly sidetracked by the flicker of the plug-in drug. (This is another personal favorite because I HATE t.v.)
So there you go. The 6 point plan for raising happy, healthy, children. And I think it's a great book so check it out.
End of Rosemond for now.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Rosemond Report.... Arguing in Front of the Kids
Arguing with your Spouse...... is it o.k. in front of your kids??
John Rosemond says yes... to a point.
Most parents are taught that it is not a good idea to fight with your spouse in front of the children.
But how else will they learn what committed marriages are really about?
Do we really want them growing up believing that marriage is always a walk in the park?
No, they need to learn that arguments come with marriage. They also need to learn that arguments don't destroy people. Finally, they need to learn how to engage in constructive disagreement with other people. If you don't teach them... who will?
Obviously there are some arguments that children shouldn't hear. As a parent you have to be responsible, and argue in a constructive, civilized way. That doesn't mean you can't raise your voices, but you should never belittle or slander one another.
Some arguments you need to have when the children are in bed.
John says when you choose to argue in front of the children it is important not to let them interrupt you. Simply explain to them you are disagreeing with each other and trying to work it out, and if they don't like it they can leave the room. You must also tell them that they can not interrupt or start crying. If they do they will be sent to their room.
OK this was interesting to me because Dave and I definitely have tried not to fight in front of the kids. But then sometimes you can't help it and you just get mad and it all comes out in the moment!! Actually this happens frequently. Then I have always felt bad afterward that the kids saw it.
But after reading this, I don't feel guilty anymore. I agree that it is probably good for your kids to see that people don't always agree, and we express our opinions and argue, but that we are still committed to each other, and still love each other when it is all over.
What do you think??
John Rosemond says yes... to a point.
Most parents are taught that it is not a good idea to fight with your spouse in front of the children.
But how else will they learn what committed marriages are really about?
Do we really want them growing up believing that marriage is always a walk in the park?
No, they need to learn that arguments come with marriage. They also need to learn that arguments don't destroy people. Finally, they need to learn how to engage in constructive disagreement with other people. If you don't teach them... who will?
Obviously there are some arguments that children shouldn't hear. As a parent you have to be responsible, and argue in a constructive, civilized way. That doesn't mean you can't raise your voices, but you should never belittle or slander one another.
Some arguments you need to have when the children are in bed.
John says when you choose to argue in front of the children it is important not to let them interrupt you. Simply explain to them you are disagreeing with each other and trying to work it out, and if they don't like it they can leave the room. You must also tell them that they can not interrupt or start crying. If they do they will be sent to their room.
OK this was interesting to me because Dave and I definitely have tried not to fight in front of the kids. But then sometimes you can't help it and you just get mad and it all comes out in the moment!! Actually this happens frequently. Then I have always felt bad afterward that the kids saw it.
But after reading this, I don't feel guilty anymore. I agree that it is probably good for your kids to see that people don't always agree, and we express our opinions and argue, but that we are still committed to each other, and still love each other when it is all over.
What do you think??
Friday, July 20, 2007
Rosemond Report..... Kids and Attention
"Attention Addiction"
Parents have been fed a myth for many years..... the myth is that "children need lots of attention."
This is not true!
Attention is like food.
John says, "Children need food. But they don't need a lot of it. If you persist in giving a child more food than he or she needs, that child will become dependent upon continuing to receive excessive amounts of food. If you continue to feed that dependency, it will grow into an obsession that will function as a powerful force in that child's life. The child's sense of well-being will lean increasingly on the idea that in order to feel secure, he must have ready access to food. Eventually, the child will become a food addict, and the addiction will hang like a stone around the child's neck encumbering the growth of self-esteem."
Now read that paragraph again substituting the word "attention" every time you see the word food.
We as parents must set limits as to how much attention a child is allowed to consume in the family.
We all know children who are addicted to attention. The child who interrupts, who would rather be in the room with the adults than playing with the other children. The child who talks constantly and loudly or acts silly all of the time. Or behaves badly to divert the parent from what they are doing at the moment.
John states that children who grow up with the illusion that they are the most important member of the family will never want to leave that cozy, comfortable position that they are in.
Why do you think over 50% of high school graduates are still single and living at home?
Our main job as parents is to teach our children how to become independent and ready to leave the nest when it is their time. Our job is to teach them how to grow up and have happy successful lives on their own. Right?
Teaching them how to do this is a process that starts from they day they are born and continues for about 20 years.
Give more attention to your spouse and your marriage than to your children, and the whole family will benefit in many ways.
Do you agree? Has this worked for you?
Next up:
The REAL meaning of quality time
Parents have been fed a myth for many years..... the myth is that "children need lots of attention."
This is not true!
Attention is like food.
John says, "Children need food. But they don't need a lot of it. If you persist in giving a child more food than he or she needs, that child will become dependent upon continuing to receive excessive amounts of food. If you continue to feed that dependency, it will grow into an obsession that will function as a powerful force in that child's life. The child's sense of well-being will lean increasingly on the idea that in order to feel secure, he must have ready access to food. Eventually, the child will become a food addict, and the addiction will hang like a stone around the child's neck encumbering the growth of self-esteem."
Now read that paragraph again substituting the word "attention" every time you see the word food.
We as parents must set limits as to how much attention a child is allowed to consume in the family.
We all know children who are addicted to attention. The child who interrupts, who would rather be in the room with the adults than playing with the other children. The child who talks constantly and loudly or acts silly all of the time. Or behaves badly to divert the parent from what they are doing at the moment.
John states that children who grow up with the illusion that they are the most important member of the family will never want to leave that cozy, comfortable position that they are in.
Why do you think over 50% of high school graduates are still single and living at home?
Our main job as parents is to teach our children how to become independent and ready to leave the nest when it is their time. Our job is to teach them how to grow up and have happy successful lives on their own. Right?
Teaching them how to do this is a process that starts from they day they are born and continues for about 20 years.
Give more attention to your spouse and your marriage than to your children, and the whole family will benefit in many ways.
Do you agree? Has this worked for you?
Next up:
The REAL meaning of quality time
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Rosemont Report..... Point 1
Point One: The Parent-Centered Family
John says that the secret to raising happy, healthy children is to put the MARRIAGE first!
When the family is "child-centered," that means the children are the most important, and the child-parent relationships is the most important. And the more "child-centered" the American family has become, the more demandingly self-centered the children have become.
*****John says, "by putting your children first in your family, you guarantee they will become manipulative, demanding, and unappreciative of anything and everything you do for them. You guarantee they will grow up believing they can do as they please, that it's unfair for you to expect them to lift a finger of responsibility around the home, and that it's your duty to give them everything they want and serve them in every conceivable way. Putting your child first will guarantee that you will experience parenthood as one of the most frustrating and unrewarding things you've ever done. It further guarantees the ultimate unhappiness of your children, because happiness is achieved only by accepting responsibility for ones' self, not by being led to believe that someone else is responsible for you."
That is why the marriage must come first. If the marriage and the parents are strong and their needs are being met and they are healthy and happy together, than the family will become that way too.
The divorce rate for couples ages 45 and older is growing much faster than any other age group.
Why? Because the children have always been put first, above the marriage. Then, when the children leave the home, the couples realize they have nothing left, they don't know how to be a couple because they've spent the last 25 years only being parents.
So how do you put the marriage first above all else???
1) by giving more attention to the marriage than to the children. Don't let your children demand attention from you until you're ready to give it. Children really don't need that much attention... I will post on this next.
2) by not playing the "who had the worst day" or the "guess what' s on my mind" games with your spouse.
3) by putting your kids to bed EARLY and spending time together just being husband and wife (and John says, turn off the t.v.)
4) by not allowing your children to interrupt you or your spouse, ever.
5) by having a weekly Parent's Night Out, that NOTHING can interfere with!
Have any of these worked for you??
The list goes on!
Stay tuned!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
John Rosemond
This guy is my favorite as far as child-rearing "experts" go. I think it was my mom who first introduced him to me. I like all of his ideas, and just the general philosophies he has about raising children.
I am reading a book by him right now called, "Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy, Children." I love it. So I've decided to share it with you.
Some of you might think this is boring but it is SO interesting to me. I love to freshen up my parenting skills every once in awhile. So I'm going to be doing a series of blogs about points John makes in his book.
Maybe they can help someone out there who might be struggling at the moment with a child. We all need help in the parenting department right?
Maybe we don't, according to John.
He believes that we, as a society focus too much on "raising children."
He says that it is within all of us to know how to parent the right way, and we think too much about whether or not we are doing things "right." He says we need to just go with our heart and our gut feelings and we'll do fine.
I agree.
John says that when he and his wife tried to follow what the "experts" were saying, this is what happened,
"They (meaning the experts) said to respect Eric (his son) as an equal, but the more respect we showed him, the less he showed us. They said families should be democratic, but the more democratic we were, the more of a tyrant Eric became. They said it was wrong to control children, but the less control we exercised, the more out-of-control he was. The more wrong things went, the more guilty we felt, the more insecure Eric was, and the more crazy we all were!"
Have you ever felt that before? Or have you ever known a family that this was happening to? I have. And I have felt the guilt for sure. But we'll talk more about that later.
Tune in for the next "Rosemond Report" on.....
Attention Addiction
I am reading a book by him right now called, "Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy, Children." I love it. So I've decided to share it with you.
Some of you might think this is boring but it is SO interesting to me. I love to freshen up my parenting skills every once in awhile. So I'm going to be doing a series of blogs about points John makes in his book.
Maybe they can help someone out there who might be struggling at the moment with a child. We all need help in the parenting department right?
Maybe we don't, according to John.
He believes that we, as a society focus too much on "raising children."
He says that it is within all of us to know how to parent the right way, and we think too much about whether or not we are doing things "right." He says we need to just go with our heart and our gut feelings and we'll do fine.
I agree.
John says that when he and his wife tried to follow what the "experts" were saying, this is what happened,
"They (meaning the experts) said to respect Eric (his son) as an equal, but the more respect we showed him, the less he showed us. They said families should be democratic, but the more democratic we were, the more of a tyrant Eric became. They said it was wrong to control children, but the less control we exercised, the more out-of-control he was. The more wrong things went, the more guilty we felt, the more insecure Eric was, and the more crazy we all were!"
Have you ever felt that before? Or have you ever known a family that this was happening to? I have. And I have felt the guilt for sure. But we'll talk more about that later.
Tune in for the next "Rosemond Report" on.....
Attention Addiction
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