More Mothering Thoughts...

I wrote this post a few months ago and never published it...

First of all, I want to say thanks to those of you that occasionally comment.  I definitely don't write my blog for the world, but back in the day when I would sometimes get 50 comments it was FUN!  I'll admit, feedback is nice.  But even without it I'll keep blogging because this blog basically serves as a memory reminder for me.  I have a bad memory so this is where my memories are stored and can never be forgotten.

Recently a reader commented and asked me to write more about parenting.  I don't really know what to say about parenting except for that I think about it constantly and it is a source of joy and struggle every single day.

I may have already written about this and forgive me if I have... I have a bad memory, remember?

Anyway, last fall my kids got signed up for way too many activities.  I'm still not sure how it happened.  It was an accident.  I forgot that I had signed them up for a few things already, then friends invited them to sign up for other things, then we had the church things and school things, and yeah it became absolutely crazy.  They were all really good and great things to be involved in, but overall it was just too much.

This might embarrass me later but this is everything (that I can remember!) that my various children were doing weekly:

soccer (two teams)-4 times a week plus saturday games (6 total times a week!)
cross country- 3 times a week
volleyball- 3 times a week
drama (fall play at the school)- 1-2 times a week + performance weekend
piano- 3 lessons a week + practicing (kill me now)
young womens- 1-2 times a week
scouts- 1 time a week
gymnastics- 1 time a week

Um... that's 21 things in a week.  WHAT?!?

This list does NOT include monthly or twice monthly items or other random events that came up like singing practice for stake choir, babysitting jobs, birthday parties, HOMEWORK, family get togethers, recitals, playdates, doctor/dentist appointments, Mack's activities, or stuff that Dave and I had going on (photo sessions!). etc.etc.

Of course I want my kids to have fun, to develop talents, to make new friends and get to spend time with them, to exercise (that's a big one for me), and to figure out what they love to do... but not to this extent.

I would justify it all in my mind because we live near the schools where a lot of these activities were taking place (so not a ton of driving) and I would keep everything organized in my calendar and somehow everyone got where they needed to go... but by December I was beat to DEATH.  And I vowed I would never do that again.  Come next fall, it might be hard to keep my vow.  That's why I'm writing this post to remind myself!!

The thing about being so busy is that the most important things can more easily fall between the cracks and you find yourself desperately trying to squeeze in family time together.  And as the mom you feel like you're failing because you are frazzled, rushed, and your mind feels like it's going to explode from trying to remember everything.  Plus, the kids get too tired from their fun to work hard on homework, help around the house, and practice piano.

I learned from this experience that one of the most important things for me as a Mom is nightly family dinner- with ALL of us there together eating and talking.  And when that doesn't happen at least 4-5 times a week I feel bad.   I also care A LOT about working- teaching my kids to work and making them work.  If they're so busy doing other things that they don't even have time to do a few basic household chores per day I feel like I'm not doing my job the way I should.

Remember- this is just me personally and I don't think any other mom is failing if she has different priorities or ways of doing things.  In fact, I love to hear other ways that Moms work to make their family function well.  We are all different and no one way is the only right way, I just know what makes me feel good and at peace with myself in my mothering role.

So next time I am tempted to sign them up for one more thing I will read this post and especially this quote:

I want to be a "mother that knows" in many ways, and I think an important one is to do less, and choose carefully.  Right now all that we have going on is:

1 piano lesson a week
1 voice lesson a week
young womens- 1 time per week
scouts- 1 time per week
Track- 1 time per week

That's 5 things per week (and a few monthly activities) and that's much better.

And you know what we have a lot more time for?  Eachother, peace, resting, walks, hikes, bike rides, family dinners, outings, cooking together, working on the house together, dates, and just breathing!  I love it.

A few last things:

1. I love my children a lot but I also love breaks from my children.  That's another thing that falls between the cracks when your kids are so busy- time for MOM!  And time for mom and dad.  So don't read that quote up there and feel bad if you actually don't want to spend that much time with your kids.... it's normal to feel that way.  And it doesn't mean you don't love them.  I personally just need consistent alone time to feel peaceful.

2.  One of the main reasons I have a hard time saying no to activities is because I see a lot of potential in my kids.  I know we all see that in our children and can't help but feel like we don't want to squash that potential or hold them back from something that is good for them, and could end up being great for them!  When I feel like this I try to remember that most kids just end up being normal, average, everyday people.  I mean, how many of us are olympic athletes or professional dancers?  How many of us have some amazing, outstanding, awesome talent that we spent our childhood perfecting and still use to this day?  There are definitley amazing people around us but I don't necessarily want my kids to grow up and become a professional athlete or concert pianist.... and in reality they probably wouldn't anyway.  Most of the talents I admire in others are things that come naturally to them and or were cultivated as adults.

I want my kids to grow up and be good people: hard workers, intelligent, kind, giving, service-minded, fun, making a difference in small ways and most importantly... happy.   I want them to be people that can find happiness/joy and peace in everyday living and even amidst trials.  I also want them to be family people.  People who have children and put thought into raising them well to make small differences in the world around them.  These things aren't necessarily learned through sports and music.  Sports and music are great but moderation in all things is the key I think.  Sometimes when we haven't had enough going on we tend to go a little crazy- we all like to be busy and feel productive and have things to do.  I think it's important to find what works best for your family and go with that.

So, there you go.  My thoughts on parenting and some things I've been learning in the last year.