Two More Reasons Why I Love Dave

He's just the best.

1.  We have been spending too much money lately.  Mainly because we're moving and it's the end of the year, and we have very little time so I haven't been meal planning as well, we've eaten out too much etc. etc.  Then it was our anniversary and we both got a fitbit just for fun.
Well, then I really needed some white skinnies because I just really needed them!  On our anniversary we went shopping for a few minutes and I found some!!  We got them and a couple of other items.  On the way home I was feeling guilty and said to Dave, "so what are you thoughts on how we've been spending so much money and not being responsible and we're going to end up in the poor house (whatever that is- just something my mom used to say)?"

Dave was silent for a moment and I thought he was just really thinking it through and going to give me some great thought that would change us forever.  His response... "easy come, easy go!"

I died.  It was just what I needed to hear.  I really couldn't have handled any more guilt than I was already giving myself and he probably knew that.  I stress and stress about everything and he always makes me realize that everything is ok!  And he makes me laugh too.

He has never once, ever, gotten angry or upset about any money I've spent.  He trusts me that I'm making the best decisions and sometimes we all make mistakes too.  And he knows that any mistake I make I'm going to beat myself up about enough that he doesn't need to too.  Love him.

2.  Sometimes I get mad at him and "fly of the handle" (not really but you know).  I can say or do stupid things when I'm a little mad.  And I can totally be ridiculous and then feel like a fool afterward!  And you know what his response is when I apologize?  He pretends it didn't happen.

Example:
Me:  "Dave I'm so sorry I was grumpy and mean and got so mad over the dumbest little thing."
Dave:  "What?  what are you talking about? I don't remember you doing that.  What?  I'm so confused right now."
Then I laugh and we move on.  It is the best ever because sometimes you just need someone to forgive and forget you know!

Just now I was just standing in the kitchen making Logan's birthday cake and Dave is at Costco with the kids and I had these thoughts and wanted to come and write them down before I forget.  Love you Dave.

Thirteen Years

Thirteen years ago today I married this guy!  We have a good thing going.  I love him and love to be with him.  In fact, I know it's ridiculous but I have separation anxiety when we're not together.  Everything just feels right when he's around.  I'm glad for that.  This picture is all I could find right now but it is so not him (though it does show his handsome-ness).  He's almost always smiling and happy.  I love his smile.  

  Too bad the first two restaurants we tried to go tonight to celebrate were closed!  Oh well, we still had a fun night, got some mexican food, and reminisced a little bit. 

Happy Anniversary to my favorite!  The best daddy and the best husband.  I am lucky.

A Simple Kind of Life

Friday night Dave was gone at the Father/Son campout and I couldn't sleep.  I decided to re-read my Grandma B's life history.  I stayed up into the early morning reading. I couldn't put it down.  I wish I could share it here on my blog.  I am so inspired to begin writing my own story.  I've thought about doing it before because I have a very bad memory and as time goes by I will forget more and more. I want to write down the things I remember now.

 Reading her history brought up a lot of feelings for me.  These are some thoughts that came to mind:

*Hers is a very simple life story.  It doesn't have to be complicated. It doesn't have to be a year by year listing of events and things you did.  It's ok to not cover it all.  Her story simply paints a picture of her life with a handful of personal, specific stories and thoughts.

*Write about feelings.  She mentions that she felt she had a happy childhood. She doesn't tell everything that happened to her but overall she remembers being happy even though she was a "depression baby" and things were tough for their family.

*Life was so much simpler back then.  On weekends when she had to work until 6 (she went back to work when her kids were in middle school) her husband (my grandpa) and their kids would clean up the house for her, go and pick up hamburgers, pick her up from work and head to the local basketball game.  That was the fun they had on the weekends.  Getting a burger was a treat, they were together as a family.  It wasn't about planning the next vacation to a warm destination- they hardly vacationed at all.  It wasn't about running everyone around to all their different activities or going to a fancy restaurant alone.  It was about being together as a family and enjoying simple pleasures (after the work got done).

*Traditions.  I think traditions can make life more simple.  It's doing the same thing year after year, or week after week.  You don't have to work to plan something new, and you don't get caught up in the "let's do something exciting" mentality.

*I want my life to be more simple.  I've been leaning in this direction for awhile. More on this later.

*My Grandma was thankful. Many times in her life history she mentions how blessed she is... she said she had a charmed life.  I often feel this way as well, and I want to make sure I write it down so my children and grandchildren will know that I was thankful for the life I had.  There is nothing better than being thankful.

*Family is everything.  This belief has been handed down for generations in my family.  Our family tree is full of good, strong marriages.  Husbands and wives who truly loved each other, loved their children, and put family above all else.  I am so blessed to have that heritage.  It means so much to me.  Reading about my grandparents love for each other, seeing my own parents love for each other and knowing where my dad gets his devotion to my mom (his own dad was the same!) Watching my aunts and uncles hold hands and dance with each other even to this day.  I have so many examples of what family love should and can be, and it is a wonderful thing.

* There is nothing better than appreciating the little things in life.  A husband that gets up and works hard every day to support his family.  A mother who serves in the home because she loves her husband and children. And children who feel safe and loved at home and in turn are grateful and helpful. My Grandma had an appreciation for the little things.

So, I am going to start writing my story.  Not on the blog, because I am not a writer and no one needs to read it until I'm old or gone.  But I am excited to get started and paint my own picture of what my life has been.  To collect the memories I have into one place and make them last. And I am thankful I have this blog- a record of the last 7 years of my life.  When I started it, it was for fun and to be silly and to keep in touch.  I never knew that it was really a journal and I would be so thankful for it.

And since this post is already ridiculously long, I'm going to keep going.  Back to the simple life thought.

I have been wanting a more simple life for awhile now.  It's a thought I just can't shake.  I know it's just part of having 4 kids and all that comes with school, church, sports, and work, but things have been too busy for too long!  Something needs to change.  I think I often make things more busy than they need to be because that's what life has become and that's what I'm used to.  But I don't want to look back on my life and remember the running around, or the calendar days that are full to the brim.  I want to look back and remember the relaxing in the back yard, playing games and going on walks (my favorite thing to do).

A huge part of the reason we are moving to Walnut Creek is to take the first step in simplifying.  I'm done with the driving.  My family and Dave's work are both down there and we find ourselves on Hwy 4 heading that way TOO much!  I want my life to be slower, more simple.  I don't want to have to drive so far to be where we need to be.  I want Dave to get to work in 5 minutes (or less) and come home at the end of the day when he's done with work (he shouldn't have to travel great distances in the car after putting in a day at the desk!).  I don't want to have to pack a bag just to go hang out at my parents house.  I don't want to have to block out an entire day to go to the temple.  I want less driving.

I also want a smaller house and less stuff.  I know many people can't wait to get into a bigger house and maybe I'll be singing a different song after living in a smaller house for awhile.  But this house we are in, although I LOVE it and I'm so thankful for it, has been overwhelming for me.  I need organization and cleanliness.  It makes me a better mom and wife when things are tidy and neat.  But when you live in a large home with a lot of stuff, that becomes more difficult and time consuming to accomplish.  I have been de-junking and donating bags full of stuff lately and it feels so good.  I'm hoping to find a smaller home in Walnut Creek and see if it changes my life for the better.

I could keep going on this subject but I would love to hear how you have simplified your life.  I know it's all about little steps and that's what we are trying to do.  Our first step is big (moving) but I hope over time to do some little things that will make a big difference.  I want to slow down, stop running and enjoy small simple moments instead of thinking we need big moments/memories all of the time!

 Share with me what you have done.

This post has been all over that place but I feel so much better getting all these thoughts out of my head.

Happy Sunday!

I Am So In Love With This Child

I probably spend about 2 hours a day making him smile because when he does it makes me so happy. Is there anything better than a baby's big open mouth smile? I don't think so.

Mackadoodle is 8 weeks old this week. He likes to suck on his hands, stare at his fists, punch himself in the nose and eyes when trying to get those fists in his mouth, lay under his toys, try to reach for his elmo toy, smile at his toys (he seriously loves them), swing in his swing (still his favorite thing), take long naps that I have to wake him up from, follow his siblings around the room with his eyes, grunt, take baths, smile, and eat! He is a big boy! We all love him so much. He is the best entertainment around here. I miss him when he's gone (in bed) for more than 30 minutes. Oh and he's starting to get rolls on his upper thighs and they are delicious.

Please excuse any blurry photos. It's hard work trying to make a baby smile and snap the pictures at the same time! Especially when your camera weighs... I don't know, at least a few pounds.

I love this big eyed serious face.

I love when he sucks on his bottom lip.

I love how his lips curl up at the corners.

He was not happy with me for this one. I made him be naked and he was a little bit cold and tired. Don't worry I will try again. Can't resist the naked baby.

Smiling at Lexi- with his little tongue out!

Now that you're sick of me gushing over my baby I will move on and tell you that Dave and I celebrated our 12 year anniversary on Saturday. Twelve years is a long time. I like him just as much, if not more, than I did then and we have so much fun together still. We went on a date to the mall and then a fondue restaurant. I have not been indulging in treats lately so the fondue was to die for. We had cheese, meat, and chocolate. I have since dreamed about it. My only complaint was that the portion sizes were a little too small- I'm not kidding. I could have had two bowlfulls of chocolate. Mack was perfect and slept in his carseat almost the whole time. It was so nice and I wish we could go again this weekend. Anyway, here's to 12+ more years- I can't wait to see what they bring!

11 Years and Counting...

(11 years ago)

(this year)

Yesterday Dave and I celebrated our 11 year anniversary.

We realized we've been through some stuff together:

College

8 moves

5 job changes

3 babies born

3 miscarriages

2 major child injuries

tons of minor child injuries

countless big decisions

adoption approval paperwork/process

foster care licensing

2 foster babies

having 5 kids for awhile

2 foster babies leaving

infertility treatments

divorces

deaths

work issues

8 cars

1 major car crash

1 pet

(hopefully soon, one pet death... just kidding kids)

And that is just the stuff that I'm allowed to talk about.

Isn't that how it is with everyone? Life throws a lot of junk at you and the hardest stuff is the stuff you have to do alone. That's why it is nice when you have someone by your side who knows everything and together you can work through it.

Dave and I do not have a perfect marriage or a perfect life. But we love each other and as long as neither one of us gives up I think we'll make it! The good usually outweighs the bad and at the end of the day I am very thankful for Dave and that he treats me with kindness and cares about our family. I am thankful he is my partner through it all. I love spending time with him and my kids and they are the most important people in my life.

We took a lot of pictures on our recent trip to Cabo. Thanks to my sis Julie for figuring out my camera and taking them for us.

I Believe-- Date Night

Thanks to all of you for cheering me up about missing Lexi's recital. I'm going to record her playing her song and post it- great idea.


I believe in date night.

I think it is essential to go "out" with one's spouse at least 3 times a month. Yes, you can have a casual "stay in" date every once in awhile... but going out is the best. There's something about being out of your element and looking a little extra cute for your spouse that is important. It brings back "the magic," if you will. It gives you time to talk without being interrupted or spied on. It also gives you time to remember the "good old days" when you went out all of the time and didn't have to hire a babysitter!

Dave and I try to go out once a week. Sometimes it is short and simple, sometimes a trip to the temple, sometimes something a little more "special." Sometimes we're too busy and it doesn't work out. But we really try. Because it's something I can look forward to at the end of a long week of "life" (I love quotation marks if you can't tell).

Tonight we went out and ate a quick dinner, bought treats at Longs, and then saw the movie, "Prince Caspian." We don't look extra cute for our date tonight. Sometimes, when you're tired, you don't have to look cute for your date and it's still fun. That's the great part about being married.

Also, just for the record, I do not appreciate Dave's socks. He got them for free at the bowling alley when we went last week. I told the lady we did not want the free socks. Dave jumped in and took all the free pairs. They are extremely ugly and say "Harvest Park Bowl" on the side. They are also the wrong height and make his ankles look thicker than they really are.




Some of our summer date plans include:
-the driving range
-walk to jamba juice (cheap date and healthier than eating popcorn at a movie, right?)
-Woodminster Theatre to see Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, and The Pirates of Penzance
-foster care classes (yes that can count as a date- we'll be alone for 8 hours)
-"Starry Nights" - a free concert our town puts on in the park
-clothes (and socks) shopping for Dave- he needs new stuff for work
-delicious food (always an essential part of date night)


Here's to bringing back the magic! Date nights for all!

Nine Years

Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. I just looked back through my blog archives to see what I wrote last year about it. I found nothing at all! So this year I am going to write about me and Dave and our (XOXO) LOVE (XOXO.)


I've already told the story of how we met.

And I've told the story of our engagement.

So now I will tell you about our wedding day. And our life since then... in minimal details.

It was May 28th.

We were married in the Oakland temple.

I was nervous... he held my hand and made me laugh.

I walked into the room that was full of people I love and felt completely overwhelmed with happiness. I cried throughout the whole ceremony. It was embarrassing but I couldn't help it. I felt good. Everything felt right. We had a party that night. Lots of friends and family were there. We ate cake. He sang me a song. We got good presents and it was fun.

We went on our honeymoon to Maui for 2 weeks. Bliss.

Then we came home and got in a fight about unpacking or something silly like that.

Then he didn't come home from work on the exact minute that I wanted him home, and I cried.

Then I made a disgusting meal and he pretended to like it.

Then we made some music videos together and played lots of games until Lexi was born 1.5 years later.

Then Logan came 17 months later.

Then we moved a bunch and had Macey.

That's when life started going by at the speed of light.

Yes, we've had our ups and downs. But mostly ups, especially when he comes home from work on time.

The best marriage advice I ever got was from a book and was about how selfishness will destroy marriage!!

I believe it.

Dave is selfless, and I'm trying to be, and that is what keeps us going.

Looking back, I pretty much didn't know Dave at all when we got married. I feel lucky and relieved for myself that he turned out to be so great. He forgives me easily and doesn't like to fight. He loves babies and is a fun daddy. He likes to do projects, eat, and go on trips with me. He's funny, smart, and can build things. He has good teeth, hair, eyes and skin (hoping he'll pass all of these on to the children). Most of all he tries to be better everyday and inspires me to be that way too.

I love you Dave!

Praise Me and Do Things For Me

I've been reading the book, "The 5 Love Languages." I like it. It helps me learn how to show Dave that I love him more. I am learning to speak his love language a little bit better.

The five languages are:

*Words of Affirmation

*Quality Time

*Receiving gifts

*Acts of Service

*Physical Touch

After taking a small quiz at the end of the book I was declared to be a "words of affirmation" and an "acts of service" girl.

I totally predicted my language would be quality time!! So now I feel all confused. First of all, I'm embarrassed that my language is words of affirmation. I praise myself all of the time, but I didn't realize I need Dave to praise me too!! I just thought I needed him to spend time with me.

That I was an "acts of service" person, of course, made sense, especially when I remembered how I am constantly trying to get Dave to make lists of everything I need him to do for me.

But then I started thinking about "receiving gifts" and how much I love that. Like last month when Dave left a surprise present on my kitchen counter in the morning before he left? I was happy about it all day long! So I definitely like presents.

Also, if you give me a back rub I'll be your best friend... or a foot rub... or play with my hair.

SO! These pondering have led me to the realization that I am penta-lingual (yes, I looked that up). Apparently, I need ALL of the love languages spoken to me. Poor Dave, this is a lot of pressure.

Luckily I know what his love language is (physical touch and quality time!) and I plan on speaking it to him a lot from now on.

Thank you Dr. Gary Chapman.

What is your love language? What is your spouses love language? Are you fluent in each other's languages? Please tell.

Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places

When your husband is a CPA and you rarely ever see him during tax season, you have to take advantage of any opportunity to get some love in!!!!

Like, perhaps, at the church spaghetti dinner activity?

In the hectic moments before running into church on Sunday morning!

And at the park Sunday evening. Thank heavens for Sundays... the one day a week we have time to snuggle a little bit.

Can't wait for April 15th

Rosemond Report.... Arguing in Front of the Kids

Arguing with your Spouse...... is it o.k. in front of your kids??

John Rosemond says yes... to a point.

Most parents are taught that it is not a good idea to fight with your spouse in front of the children.

But how else will they learn what committed marriages are really about?

Do we really want them growing up believing that marriage is always a walk in the park?

No, they need to learn that arguments come with marriage. They also need to learn that arguments don't destroy people. Finally, they need to learn how to engage in constructive disagreement with other people. If you don't teach them... who will?

Obviously there are some arguments that children shouldn't hear. As a parent you have to be responsible, and argue in a constructive, civilized way. That doesn't mean you can't raise your voices, but you should never belittle or slander one another.

Some arguments you need to have when the children are in bed.

John says when you choose to argue in front of the children it is important not to let them interrupt you. Simply explain to them you are disagreeing with each other and trying to work it out, and if they don't like it they can leave the room. You must also tell them that they can not interrupt or start crying. If they do they will be sent to their room.




OK this was interesting to me because Dave and I definitely have tried not to fight in front of the kids. But then sometimes you can't help it and you just get mad and it all comes out in the moment!! Actually this happens frequently. Then I have always felt bad afterward that the kids saw it.

But after reading this, I don't feel guilty anymore. I agree that it is probably good for your kids to see that people don't always agree, and we express our opinions and argue, but that we are still committed to each other, and still love each other when it is all over.


What do you think??

Rosemont Report..... Point 1

Point One: The Parent-Centered Family

John says that the secret to raising happy, healthy children is to put the MARRIAGE first!


When the family is "child-centered," that means the children are the most important, and the child-parent relationships is the most important. And the more "child-centered" the American family has become, the more demandingly self-centered the children have become.




*****John says, "by putting your children first in your family, you guarantee they will become manipulative, demanding, and unappreciative of anything and everything you do for them. You guarantee they will grow up believing they can do as they please, that it's unfair for you to expect them to lift a finger of responsibility around the home, and that it's your duty to give them everything they want and serve them in every conceivable way. Putting your child first will guarantee that you will experience parenthood as one of the most frustrating and unrewarding things you've ever done. It further guarantees the ultimate unhappiness of your children, because happiness is achieved only by accepting responsibility for ones' self, not by being led to believe that someone else is responsible for you."


That is why the marriage must come first. If the marriage and the parents are strong and their needs are being met and they are healthy and happy together, than the family will become that way too.


The divorce rate for couples ages 45 and older is growing much faster than any other age group.


Why? Because the children have always been put first, above the marriage. Then, when the children leave the home, the couples realize they have nothing left, they don't know how to be a couple because they've spent the last 25 years only being parents.

So how do you put the marriage first above all else???

1) by giving more attention to the marriage than to the children. Don't let your children demand attention from you until you're ready to give it. Children really don't need that much attention... I will post on this next.

2) by not playing the "who had the worst day" or the "guess what' s on my mind" games with your spouse.

3) by putting your kids to bed EARLY and spending time together just being husband and wife (and John says, turn off the t.v.)

4) by not allowing your children to interrupt you or your spouse, ever.

5) by having a weekly Parent's Night Out, that NOTHING can interfere with!


Have any of these worked for you??



The list goes on!

Stay tuned!

Our Get-away

Dave and I had fun this weekend on our extended date without the kids. We stayed in the Renaissance hotel in Walnut Creek. We had fun shopping, eating, sitting in the spa, eating, going to a movie, eating, sitting in the spa, shopping, eating and eating. The next day we ate, went into the city, shopped, ate, walked across the Golden Gate Bridge, ate some more, went to the temple and ended the date at Fentons, where we ate again. On the way home we thought of what we could name our trip... some name to help us remember it..... a name that would forever imprint this trip into our memories..... I thought of "food extravaganza" but we ended up naming it what Dave suggested: "Oinkfest 2007."

Why do we like to eat so much? I've thought about this a lot lately. I've decided that it is because I am always hungry and never have much time to sit down and enjoy my food. I'm always hopping up to cut up one of my kids meal or get them more milk, or clean off their hands, or grab the salt etc. etc. I know all you moms out there feel the same way. When I sit down in a restaurant, I can order anything I would like and it magically appears before me. When I am done I can get up and leave and don't have to lift a finger to clean up. It's relaxing and delicious. And I figure I should enjoy it while I can. Within a few years Dave and I will probably have to start starving ourselves if we want to stay in shape.

So Oinkfest 2007 was a blast. The hotel was really nice with super fun workout facilities and a great day spa which I would love to try out sometime.

The movie we saw, The Painted Veil, was really good. I like Edward Norton for some strange reason.

Walking across the GG Bridge was a fun and free activity. The weather was great, and the views were beautiful. In fact, I think we are going to go one Sunday afternoon and take the kids, they would love it.

The temple was our "spiritual" activity. It's always good to go there.
And of course, ending the date at Fentons was perfect since it is the most delicious ice cream around (as Mindy can attest to.)

And one last thing. I totally recommend getting away with your husbands every once in awhile. Even if you can only go somewhere local (like we did). It is so worth it to have a break from daily activities and spend time together. When I got home I felt like I had been gone a long time and was ready to get back into being a mom. Macey hugged me a lot. I think she missed me which made me feel good.

THE END.

Date Night

It's the best. It's so important too. All this last week I was cranky and bugging Dave about everything. I felt bad once and wrote him a sorry note. Then I got mad again the next day. So I wrote him a sorry e-mail. Then I got mad again. Basically, I was mad and cranky all week. Then I realized we hadn't been on a date in a couple of weeks. So I got a babysitter and planned one for friday night. We almost never go to movies but we had heard, "The Illusionist" was a good one. So we went to a movie and then did an errand together. It was fun and made me stop being mad. I think sometimes life just gets busy and you forget to spend a lot of time together. For me, it's nice to be able to really talk about whatever is on our minds without being interuppted by our talkative children or worrying that our 5.5 year old is listening to everything we say. It was a fun night and the movie was good too. Oh yeah, and a lot of times I wait for Dave to plan something but sometimes that just doesn't happen... so give your husband a break and plan it for a change. We try to go once a week but it's usually 2-3 times a month. We usually just go out to dinner. Now, I want to hear about what you guys do so we can get some new ideas.