New Moon Synopsis. No Spoilers.

New Moon was soooooooooooooo good.  And soooooooooo fun.   I am a definitely a fan of going with all of the diehards at midnight!  I like how they scream and get all into it.  When Jacob took his shirt off the first time the crowd went wild.  I loved it.

In the books Edward is my #1 choice.  I was not expecting to like Jacob at all in the movie but I loved him.  He was great.  Much more comfortable to watch then tormented Edward and stuttering Bella.  But I am still, and always will be, team Edward (even though I think he needs to get an appointment with Jacob's personal trainer).  Jessica and Mike are funny.  Alice is my fav.  Staying up till 3 AM hurt my body.  I woke up at 7 with puff eyes and a neck ache.  But it was worth it!

What did you think?

Infertility, Foster care, Adoption: Words I Never Imagined Would Be Part Of My Life

I want to share some of my thoughts about foster care and adoption and how my life is going in the direction I know it is supposed to be going.

We've struggled with infertility now for 3.5 looong years. It has been a difficult road. One of the hardest parts has been struggling to decide about adoption. It took both Dave and I awhile to get our minds even thinking in that direction. For so long it was all about trying for our own baby and trying to find out what is wrong with my body that makes me lose my babies. We spent a lot of money and a lot of time in that frame of mind. I had to "know" for sure that I had done all that I could.

We would occasionally bring up the subject of adoption but one of us was never quite there. Sometimes it was Dave who would have concerns, sometimes it was me who would feel scared. The main issue was money and debt, but there were other fears too. We prayed about it a lot and we did everything we would normally do, as far as religion goes, to get an answer from God about what is best for our family. That answer just kept eluding us. Finally in January or February of this year we had an experience that opened our hearts up completely and we both finally (at the same time) felt right about adoption. We pretty much started working on the paperwork the next day. We flew through the process and were signed up ready to get picked with lds services the next month. We were excited and we felt peace.

Shortly after that our foster license came through and CC came to our home. It was the hardest thing we have ever done in our married life together and the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life! But it was so rewarding and I felt the spirit in my life and in our home more. This little baby needed a lot of love and we were able to give her that and see her blossom.

We missed her when she left.

A short time later through a series of events we were in contact with another adoption agency. Our profile was shown a few times but in order for us to go forward and potentially be picked by a birth mom we needed to submit a scrapbook of our family and some serious cash. This was hard for Dave and I to feel peace about. We knew we wanted to adopt but the cash was a huge wall. Things are tight right now for a lot of people including us. We went back and forth, we prayed, we pondered and we finally decided that our answer was to just go for it. To take a leap of faith and see what came of it. We figured the money would work out eventually. But to tell you the truth, both of us were really scared about it. We didn't feel completely right but we were kinda stuck so decided to do it... knowing of course that we would never regret it.

So I worked on our family scrapbook and we figured out a plan to raise the cash. About a month later we had it ready to go. I got all of our paperwork and pictures into an envelope and was planning the very next day to go and get a cashier's check to mail with the package. Late that afternoon we got a call from the county that CC was being removed from her mom and needed a home to go to again.

I said yes and I even told them we'd take her baby brother that was due to be born the next month if they needed us to. I called Dave and he was really excited. We both felt really good about it even though we knew it was going to be a lot of work again!

She is here now and I have felt huge amounts of peace and confidence that we did the right thing. We can't go forward with the adoption agency since we have CC now (and maybe her little brother in awhile), but I have not once regretted it, and I feel a lot of relief. I know without a doubt that CC was the answer to our prayers.

When she left the first time we waited and waited for a call from the county that another baby needed our home. That call just would not come! I was frustrated. Now I know that Heavenly Father kept our home open because he knew CC was going to need it again. I love her so much. She is part of our family and everyday I am thankful as she gets more and more comfortable and more and more trusting. She is blossoming again and it is a miracle to see it everyday.

I don't know what will come of this. I don't know if this means we will be her family forever. I do know that nothing is a coincidence and that God is in the details of our lives. Have I said this before? It feels like I have because I am always thinking it. Everyday I see the hand of God in our family's life and in the life of this sweet little baby. He loves each of us. He knows our needs, He knows our hearts and our heart-aches. He prepares a way for His will to be accomplished.

The best thing that has happened to me in the last 3.5 years is I have learned to trust Him completely with my life. "When God closes a door, He always opens a window" (Froline Maria, Sound of Music).

There have been a lot of windows opened in my life since the door of having a baby was closed. I can say today that I am at peace with whatever turn my life will take. If I never "bear" another baby it will be painful but I know I will be strengthened and carried through it. If CC has to leave us, it will be painful (again) but I will know it is the will of God and I know I'll be carried through that too. It is out of my hands. I know He has a plan for CC's life and for my life. If I am blessed to adopt her (which we are hoping for) and maybe her baby brother too, I will be thrilled and will know that this was why the window of foster care was opened in my life.

I'm thankful for answered prayers and unexpected twists and turns in the journey of my life.

Bottom line: "Come what may and love it."

I can finally say "Thy will be done" and really, truly mean it... and it feels great!

On My Mirror and On My Mind...

"This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not."
Thomas S. Monson

No Thank You

My children love to try and redecorate my house for me. This morning
I found this Babysitter Club Book perched on a stand on the table in
my entry way! No thank you! definitely not my style! But funny anyway.

A Few Things

1.  My brother's new ice cream business is going great.  He told me that a few of my blog readers have stopped by and took a picture with him and bought some ice cream!  If you did, send me the pics! If you haven't gone yet.... go... asap.... you will not regret it.  Send pictures to theharlowfamily at gmail dot com

2.  I am raising my photography session prices a bit- as of January 1, 2010.  If you've already booked with me, then you'll get the old price.  This is just a heads up so no one is surprised.  Thank you to those who have helped me spread the word on this new little business of mine!  If I've taken you're photos and you were happy with them I would LOVE for you to write me up a little note of recommendation that I can put on my site.  I'm loving photography so much right now and I'm so excited about all of the sessions I've gotten to do in the last few months!  You might need to go here and see the last session that I posted.  I'm not done with it yet but I am loving it.

3.  Who is going to see New Moon this weekend???  Who's going on Thursday at Midnight?  I am and I'm so excited!!  I almost can't wait that much longer.  I'm such a teeny bopper.

Macey Makes Me Happy

A few reasons why I love Macey so much:

She used her special money to buy herself fake nails.  They were huge and rediculous but she loved them passionately for the 10 minutes that she kept them on.

When the big kids are at school and I'm doing my stuff she entertains herself forever.  She goes off into her room or a little corner somewhere and talks to herself and lives in her imagination.  I love it.  Then she'll change her clothes one million times and ask me to take pictures of her.  Then she poses like so:

She is always prepared.  Whenever we go anywhere she packs a bag for herself.  We were heading down the road on our trip to disneyland and she yelled, "stop the car! I forgot something!"  We stopped and she ran inside to get her crown that she had planned to wear for the princesses.  She came running out of the house like this:

She's always laughing.... except for when she's crying.  She wears her heart on her sleeve.

She is organized.  I told the kids to go lay out 3 outfits, panties, and jammies for our trip.  Macey's pile looked like this.  (please note she only wears pull ups at night- bedwetting is in our family genes). 

She is always happy.

She takes a lot of self portraits on my camera.

She takes pictures of strangers.  This woman was not her first victim.  I should do a post on all of the pictures of strangers I have from Macey.

She plays around in her room at night before she falls asleep.  The other night I walked in to find her like this:

She was obviously playing "baby."

Macey is so adorable in every way.  She is always cracking us up.  She is funny and so emotional too.  She is passionate, intense and sweet.

A few examples:

On the drive home from Disneyland we were playing a game called "true or false."  Whenever it was her turn she was say something like, "on this vacation I almost cried last night- true or falst?"  It was true.  The next example would be, "on this vacation, this night, I cried three times- true or false?"  True again.  The next one would be in a yelling, scolding voice, "True or False- Logan is being so mean to Daddy right now!! TRUE!"  She is defensive of anyone who is getting teased.

A few other comments from Macey recently:

"Mom, ever since CC got here I'm starting to feel like a servant."

(Crying)"I have a headache because I can't stop thinking about all of the bad things that have happened to me." (drama)

"Sometimes Disneyland is too Disney--- ish."

Disneyland Love

Dave had a business trip to Southern CA so we decided to go with him and spend a day at Disneyland- the happiest place on earth.  I truly believe it is pretty happy there... except when you are there alone with 4 young children.  Then you sometimes yell a lot and it might not seem as happy.  But I was only alone for part of the second day so the rest of the time was great!

Below you will find a lot of photos, in no particular order, and some commentary.

We met the new princess, Tiana.  The kids are all excited over her.  She had a parade going in frontier land like 5 times a day that we saw and it was FUN.  Too bad her doll is sold out everywhere- we were going to get it for CC's souvenir.

This picture is only included because I love CC's chubby hand on Dave's hat.  I want to smooch it.  Look at it!

Macey and CC get along really great most of the time... until CC has had enough with being touched, teased and tickled and she lashes out and rips huge amounts of Macey's hair out.  Macey still loves her a lot though.

CC was so incredibly good and happy on our trip.  We've decided she thrives on chaos.  The trip included no schedule and no predictability and she was fine.  It's when we're at home, the kids are gone, and it's quiet that she has a hard time.  Interesting don't you think?  It makes me want to go on vaca constantly.

I look so happy here on Dumbo even though I felt like I might barf at any moment.

When downloading the pictures of our trip, this one made me LOL times a thousand.  Macey just randomly took a picture of this woman when we were sitting on a bench.  The woman was so surprised and shocked!

AWWWW.

CC's favorite ride was Pirate's of the Caribbean.  She fell asleep two times on it and I got to lug her 30 pound body out of the boat and down the street to the stroller.  I loved that ride too because of the cuddling I was getting.

Logan convinced Lexi (who is scared of roller coasters) to go on Thunder Mountain with him.  She went because it is her cousins Savanah's favorite ride.  She liked it and they ended up going to together 3 more times.  YAY!

Buzz lightyear- definitely a fam fav.  All can participate.

Running full speed into the park.

Macey got picked out of the crowd to press the button that opens Disneyland.  She was obviously thrilled.  It was her lucky day.

Cinderella told Lexi she recognized her and asked her if she had been here before?  It made Lexi's day.  Those princesses always know the right things to say!

Minnie Mouse House.  Keep in mind I was alone at this point and had to lug CC into all the attractions.  My arms were spaghetti by the time Dave arrived later in the afternoon.

The one and only family pic!

Some reasons why I love Disneyland:

The kids get so excited.

There is so much going on there you never run out of things to do.

They've managed to keep all lines at like a 10 minute wait.  At least when we were there.

Stroller pass.

Fast pass.

Singles pass.

The parade.

The weather.

The characters walking around.

They let you bring your own food in.

Fresh Churro's.

Friendly Staff.

Scenery.

The Magic (direct quote from Dave said in a baby voice).

The End.

CC's Favorite Place In the Hotel Room

The toilet seat. Sick I know. But she loves it!

Me and Logan

Space Mountain. We're on the 2nd row.

Macey rode Thunder Mountain at Disneyland today!

We kinda tricked her into getting on and she was not happy about it!

Our October.

I just dowloaded 300 pictures from my camera taken in the last 2 weeks. I'm going to have to share. We did a lot of things in October. First of all, we got this little thing:

We read a lot of books since that is her favorite past time. Logan gets squished when he tries to hold her on his lap.

We played outside a lot too because that is her second favorite past time.

We pushed our stroller around the house. Naked. Because that is her third favorite past time. She is kinda the boss of the family right now if you couldn't tell.

We also went to a pumpkin patch!

Macey went to a birthday party and was sooo excited about it.

We went to the church's Trunk or Treat- it was a super fun party with yummy food and fun games. My parents drove up and came with us. It was fun- thanks for coming guys!

Dave and I went to an adult costume party. It was fun. We were a basketball player and cheerleader. Dave wore my old uniform. It was kind of disturbing. Mostly the nylons. And by the way the zipper was NOT even a little bit zipped. He's not as small as I was in high school, don't worry.

And of course we went Trick or Treating. Our neighborhood had a lot of fun/frightening decorations and haunted porches. The kids loved it. Well, Logan did. The girls were afraid. We got lots of candy. CC was totally into it and on a sugar high- woops!


And that is the end of October- YAY!

Lexi Got Braces!!

A Delicious New Treat To Try ASAP!!!

I know I have some friends and readers of my blog who live in Utah... right? I hope there's a lot of you and that you'll go on over to South Town Mall in Sandy and check out my brother's new business!

It's called Boardwalk Ice Cream Company.

You dip your own bar in fresh, creamy, soft, chocolate. It's making my mouth water just thinking about it. There are toppings too. They use Bluebell Premium Ice Cream that is the number one selling Vanilla ice cream in the U.S.- and it's only in 12 states! If you want to get it in Utah you have to get it from my bro. AND he uses Guittard Chocolate straight from San Fran. Delicious.

And wouldn't it be fun if you went there, bought yourself an ice cream and took a picture with my brother and then I could post it on my blog!?!

Will you do it for me?

I wish I could go myself. Hopefully soon. In the meantime can I live vicariously through you?

Mention you read about Boardwalk here on my blog and you can get $1 off your bar!!


Here's a little video tour:







Help us spread the word. Tell you friends and fam in Utah!

I'm Back For a Moment

So, what is going on with D-dawg you might be wondering?Well, we got our little foster baby CC back and who knew a little (ok not little but young) 13 month old baby could take over your life so much?

She is all up in my grill all day long.  She demands my constant attention and throws big fits when she can't have it all.  She gets involved in near death experiences a couple of times a day by trying to climb and stand and balance on moving objects.  She also came to me with some rashes and a sickness and sleep issues so... that takes time too.  But the good thing is, I know in a short time she'll be 100% easier.  She just has to adjust a little bit and feel secure again.  Poor baby being tossed around too much.

Anyway!  I don't have time to blog.  How do you other mothers of one year olds do anything but just care for them?  I'm exhausted.

But she's so cute.  Even cuter than before, I have to say.  She has a very strong personality.  She is dramatic and emotional but funny and silly too.  She can say about 8-10 words which is darling.  She gets excited over little things and loves to be out and about and "busy."

She weighs 30 lbs.  Her thighs are bigger than my 5 year old's and bigger than my 7 year old's and the same as my 8 year old's thighs.  She is breaking my back, my neck, and my arms.  But I love to snuggle with her.  She gives us big hugs and kisses all day long.  And the best and most sweetest part (and saddest part too) is that she is calling me Mama.  I died the first time she did it.   I am a little nervous for myself because I want to keep her and I keep thinking we're going to get to but in reality we really might not get to.  Only time will tell but it's hard not to get really attached.  I'm really attached. And that's normal.  I'm just saying that

 sometimes it makes me nervous for myself.

I have to tell you about my week now.  The first week with a new foster baby is always the hardest.  But to top that off Dave had to go out of town for a week.  And to top that off I had four photo sessions scheduled!  Then CC got sick and was very difficult to care for.  

So, I was driving kids all around to soccer, dance and piano.  Plus I had the photo sessions and my foster class for three hours one night.  Then we had all the shopping to do for the baby- you know race out and get the essentials like clothes, diapers, milk, bibs, shoes etc.  I only had one hour from the time I found out we were getting her back until I had to go pick her up.  Anyway, it was a busy week!

I pretty much was in survival mode.  At night when she would go to bed I would sit down and eat bowls full of Halloween candy and Potato chips and massage my arms.  It helped a little bit.  Comfort food always makes things a little better.  Finally on Friday I had a small breakdown that involved crying on the phone to Dave and before I knew what was happening he called me back and said he was at the airport coming home on an earlier flight.  How sweet is he.  

All week when it was so hard without him I kept thinking I should never get myself into things if I can't do them myself.  But the truth is, we aren't meant to do it all ourselves!  That's why we are married and have kids together- to raise a family together and support each other in everything.  I realized this week how much I need Dave and that I cannot live without him and I am so thankful for all that he does.

Now, back to the comfort food.  I have some issues with the new(ish) candy, Milky Way Midnight.  It seems like a really good idea but it just isn't working for me!  It's dark chocolate, caramel and marshmallow.  I mean, it really seems like it would be delicious but I can't even taste it!  It needs more something because it's almost like eating nothing.  Almost no taste.  It's been bothering me a lot since I bought a huge bag of them at Costco.  I keep re-trying it.  I'm eating at least 12 a day (mini's) hoping that it will become delicious but no luck so far.  Sad.

Also, Dave hung these pictures up for me and they bring me continual joy.

  I almost enjoy climbing my stairs now because I get to look at them over and over.  You know I have all kinds of repressed secondary infertility issues but once those babies were hung I had this feeling of complete happiness and that three was a good number because it looked so good on my wall!  It was a fleeting moment but a good thought that I'm holding onto.  Just had to share.

Lastly, I love Halloween.  There is nothing cuter to me than kids so excited to be dressed up in a costume.  We had a church party last weekend so the kids were fully costumed.  Even CC wore hers (as long as she was sucking on a sucker for distraction).  She was supposed to be a kitty but in my head I called her "wild thing."

Happy but a HANDFUL!