My New Plan for Peace

(bad mom)

The Quotes below are from leaders of my church. I'm obsessed with this subject.

"Don’t overschedule yourselves or your children. We live in a world that is filled with options. If we are not careful, we will find every minute jammed with social events, classes, exercise time, book clubs, scrapbooking, Church callings, music, sports, the Internet, and our favorite TV shows. One mother told me of a time that her children had 29 scheduled commitments every week: music lessons, Scouts, dance, Little League, day camps, soccer, art, and so forth.Families need unstructured time when relationships can deepen and real parenting can take place. Take time to listen, to laugh, and to play together."

"In choosing how we spend time as a family, we should be careful not to exhaust our available time on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better or best. A friend took his young family on a series of summer vacation trips, including visits to memorable historic sites. At the end of the summer he asked his teenage son which of these good summer activities he enjoyed most. The father learned from the reply, and so did those he told of it. “The thing I liked best this summer,” the boy replied, “was the night you and I laid on the lawn and looked at the stars and talked.” Super family activities may be good for children, but they are not always better than one-on-one time with a loving parent."

"The amount of children-and-parent time absorbed in the good activities of private lessons, team sports, and other school and club activities also needs to be carefully regulated. Otherwise, children will be over-scheduled, and parents will be frazzled and frustrated. Parents should act to preserve time for family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, and the other precious togetherness and individual one-on-one time that binds a family together and fixes children’s values on things of eternal worth. Parents should teach gospel priorities through what they do with their children."

"Family experts have warned against what they call “the overscheduling of children.” In the last generation children are far busier and families spend far less time together. Among many measures of this disturbing trend are the reports that structured sports time has doubled, but children’s free time has declined by 12 hours per week, and unstructured outdoor activities have fallen by 50 percent."

The reason I am obsessed with this is because I have come to realize that I feel angry, unhappy, and frazzled when we are over-scheduled. When I am angry, unhappy and frazzled my kids feel it, and it changes the whole mood of our family into a negative one!

I don't want to be over-scheduled! But in this day and age it is a constant battle not to be. Everyone else is doing it. I need to work on saying no, and on learning what my kids really need in their little lives. It is definitely not another lesson, sport, or party (too bad I just rsvp'd for another one today!) It doesn't seem like it should be hard to choose peace and tranquility, but it is.

My plan to get more "at home family time:"

- Plan ahead better. If I would sit down with my calendar every Sunday night and plan the week, we wouldn't be running around quite as much. I could choose what to yes to, and what to say no to, and make sure we get the good stuff in. My friend Celia is good at this and I am going to start doing it better.

-Get ready to leave early. I used to be really good at this. If we had to be somewhere at 4pm I would start getting everyone ready at 3:30- find shoes, pack snacks, get their gear, whatever. Now I tend to get busy doing stuff at home and then start yelling at everyone to get their shoes and gear 10 minutes before we're supposed to be there! Then someone, inevitably, cannot find their stuff and we become frantic and upset. Then we're a few minutes late for our event and my heart palpitates. That's very bad. I'm going to start getting ready early again.

-Get rid of junk. It's hard to have peaceful at home time when I see messes everywhere and want to clean them up instead of doing something meaningful with my kids. I'm so over toys and I am going to be doing an enormous summer clean out project in the next few weeks. Why do we need so much stuff? Anyone want mine? I'm done with it.

- "Just say no" to extra stuff that we can't do! If I haven't had a day or two a week to be at home with my kids doing nothing, then I'm going to just say no to whatever else comes up. Easier said than done I'm sure, but it's worth a try.


What else should I do?




Please advise.

(good mom)

Oops! I'm still in a bad mood!

Reason for my bad mood=coldsore

I probably shouldn't be posting since I've been in a bad mood for a week! Yes, a whole week. I've had occasional glimpses of happiness and laughter. But mostly I've just been thinking bad thoughts about everyone I see, wherever I go. The person driving next to me. The pedestrian crossing in front of me. The annoying clerk at every store. The salvation army beggar ringing that blasted bell. Aren't I a great person? I just personify the Christmas spirit in every way!

Now... on to my thoughts for the day.

I've decide that I pretty much hate being a grown-up. It's too hard. I used to think it was all fun and games. Like when I first became a grown up and got to do whatever I wanted. Well, the fun is over. I want someone to tell me what to do, serve me, and give me stuff for nothin'.

Top Ten Reasons Why I'd Rather Be a Kid:

1. Kids don't care if every square inch of the floor is covered in crap.

2. Kids don't have anything on their minds and they promptly forget everything they are supposed to be doing at any given moment.... and they don't care.

3. Kids get to be served a hot dinner every night.

4. Kids get to go to bed at 7pm.

5. Kids get to play with their friends all day long.

6. Kids don't have to exercise.

7. Kids forgive everyone immediately.

8. Kids get a free cookie at Raley's every time they shop there.

9. Kids get to eat a chocolate from their advent calendar every night (I knew I should've bought myself one.)

10. Kids get a hot bath and their hair done everyday, and back scratches every night as they drift off to dreamland.

LUCKY! (SAID IN A NAPOLEON DYNAMITE VOICE)

To read about my last cold sore induced depression click here.

Why?

Why do I have the hugest, darkest bags under my eyes?
What can I do?

Sad News

4 of my GREATEST blessings.

For the past couple of months I've been planning my "announcement blog." The blog that was going to announce that I was relieved and ecstatic to let you all know that I was pregnant and due in April.

Very unfortunately instead, I have to announce that I am having my 3rd miscarriage in a row. I was being very carefully watched and treated with this pregnancy and I so I am in shock that it isn't going to work out, again.

I'm going to be taking a little break from blogging. I just don't really feel like it anymore. I need to do some soul searching I guess. Just for awhile. Blogging has helped me in a lot of ways during this last year and half of baby struggles. It is good to read about other people's lives and trials and hopes and dreams and experiences... and to see what you're all doing about them. There are so many inspirational people out there who are great examples to me.

Neal A. Maxwell was a wonderful leader in my church before he passed away and this is quote by him that has comforted me: "The issue for us is trusting God enough to trust also His timing. If we can truly believe that He has our welfare at heart, may we not let His plans unfold as He thinks best?"

I don't know for sure how long my break will be,
but I do hope you'll all be here when I get back!!

Frustrations

This evening is causing me frustrations.

I took dinner over to a family who just had a baby. In the driveway I asked Lexi to carry the dessert (a small plate) and Logan to carry a very small and lightweight dish with the salad in it. Well Logan accidentally spilled the whole salad all over their driveway. I almost cried but held it back. Why must things like this happen???

Also, I need to wax my upper lip but I have an enormous zit in that area right now. Why do I have a zit there? I've never had one in that spot and I think it is the strangest spot ever and I'm upset about it. I feel as though I shouldn't leave the house since it is huge and I don't want to cause any awkwardness for anyone who might try to talk to me.

On a happier note, I thought of a great plan tonight. My kids have been wanting to stay up later. And I have been thinking 7:30 is a bit early for a 5 and 6 year old. However, I just can't give up my quiet evening alone! So I decided they can stay up until 8 or 8:15 if they play in the backyard the whole time. Then I get my quietness in the house and they get to stay up. YAY!

Oh, by the way, please don't tell anyone about my upper lip and the zit situation. It is kind of embarrassing.

I Could Be Dying

I am having the worst shooting pain down my left arm right now. Is that the arm that you get pain in when you're having a heart attack? I don't know why I am experiencing this unbearable pain! It's been going on for a few hours now and it really hurts. Maybe it is from typing too much. Or maybe from painting too much. Or stirring the marshmallows in the pan forever waiting for them to melt to make my rice crispy treats today. Or maybe it's because my nap today was really crappy and short.

Oh well. I guess I'll never know why I'm having this horrible pain. But if you don't hear from me I"m probably at the hospital. The reason why I'm telling you this is because Dave is sick of hearing about it and I had no one else to turn to since it is after 10pm and I can't call anyone.

As I sit here in pain, Dave is over on the bed reading his book. Does anyone ever take care of moms?

I'm going to bed now.

Good night.

My Mug Shot

Ok, so this is what I ended up doing for my cop picture on the side of the road (see post below.) My natural reaction to a camera is to smile, but after he had been so rude to me, and since I felt humiliated, I did a half smile. Not quite a mug shot frown but not a big grin either. I tried to go somewhere in the middle but ended up looking really lame.

And the worst part about it?

I am not kidding around when I tell you there was a tear sliding down my cheek right when he snapped the photo.

I've told you before, I cry easily.

It was sad.

Never Dig a Giant Hole

Have I ever told you all about our giant hole? The worst decision Dave and I have ever made in our 8 years of marriage? Well, the hole originally happened 1 year ago this spring. But it is back to haunt us.

Last year we were sitting around on a fine Saturday afternoon and decided that we needed to buy a trampoline for our children. When we bought it and put it up it looked enormous in our yard. It took up so much space! And I never wanted to get one of those large nets. So, on a whim, we decided to dig a hole for our trampoline. What’s the big deal? Just dig up some dirt, place the trampoline inside the hole and wala!

So we began what would be a long journey. Have you ever tried to dig a giant hole? It is hard work for many reasons.

dirt expands.

dirt turns into mud the deeper you go.

there are bugs in dirt.

it hurts your back to dig.

you have to rent a truck to haul the dirt.

you have to pay the dump to take your dirt.

you have to make lots of trips to the dump.

you have to hire some guys at home depot to help you.

And then you have to buy a pump when your giant hole fills up with water every time it rains.

Then you have to pump the water out.

Then you have to worry that when you don’t pump the water out, mosquitoes are breeding under there.

So the hole was finally dug. After LOTS of time and LOTS of wasted money. You didn't know you have to pay to dig a hole? Let me just say there are lots of HIDDEN costs.

Now everyone enjoys jumping on the trampoline. We thought our hole troubles were over.

Until one day I am bouncing with the kids. I take an extra large bounce up into the air and land on my bottom. And hit the ground. It really hurt. I cried.

So that is when we realized we had to start digging again. Luckily for us, we had learned some lessons. We BORROWED a truck this time.

And a friend told us of some land his company owned nearby where we could dump our dirt for free.

After a long hard day of diggin’ last Saturday we are finally done (for good) with our hole! And I couldn’t be more relieved or happy about that!!

So learn from our painful experience and never try to dig a giant hole. The end.

I could never teach Kindergarten

Kindergarten means children's garden. Well, it sure didn't feel like a garden today.

I have been working in Lexi’s classroom for the past little while. I only go for one hour each time. And I’m here to say that.... one hour is going to kill me. For the entire 60 minutes I am bothered and stressed out.

If I could just sit and chat with the kids I would be alright. Then I could get the details on the classroom and friendships... the interesting stuff. But no. I have to WORK. And it is hard. Today I had to sit at the tiny table and do workshops. My workshop was doing workbooks. 2 different workbooks with 5 kids each time.

All 5 of them work at different paces and are on totally different levels. So that means I have to work with each one individually to get them to get their work done. But I have to work with each one individually ALL AT THE SAME TIME. While the other 4 are tapping me or saying, “excuse me Miss Denae?” 25 times in a row. AND I have to get all of their workbook pages done before the little tiny bell rings, and have the pages ripped out and stapled and put in their folders and have their workbooks returned to the shelf.

Does that sound impossible? Because it is.

So guess what I did? I did their work for them. I spazzed out and just started telling everyone what to write and where. I realize that is not going to help them to learn. But why do I care? I’m only there for an hour and I just need to get through that hour without hurting anyone (especially the kid across from me who has kicked my shins 10 times).

Lessons I’ve learned:

1) I could never teach kindergarten… this doesn’t mean I don’t like kindergarteners. I do, they are cute. Well, some are. I just don’t want to spend 4 hours a day in a room with 20 of them, trying to accomplish something.

2) If you want your kid to know what is going on, you have to work on things at home with them a lot…. And if you don’t, your kid will be behind and cause problems for the volunteering parent.

3) Kindergarten teachers are angels and I’m thankful for them.

4) I looked at Lexi and few times amid all of the chaos, and understood why she comes home a little frazzled sometimes. I want our home to be a peaceful, quiet, serene, restful, place that my children can come home to after a stressful day in that crazy, loud, wiggly, place we call school.

5) I could never teach kindergarten… oh wait, I already said that.

Soap Frusterations

Dave usually takes care to replace the soap in our shower when it is down to nothing. So imagine my chagrin when I stepped under the running water this morning, soaked myself, and then looked up to the soap tray to see this:

I had 2 choices. Try to use the sliver of soap left to get clean, or step out into the freezing air and search the drawers for a new bar.
Hmmmmm.... what would you do??
by the way, Dave, if you're reading this, we need to talk.

I hate cubicles

Do you any of you have this problem? I can't talk to Dave when he's at work because he sits in a cubicle and everyone around him listens to what he is saying. So he won't talk. We know they listen because he listens to them when they are on the phone. It's impossible to not listen when someone near you is talking.

So I'll call him, or he'll call me, and we'll try to talk about our day. I usually tell him everything that's going on here and then ask him what's going on at work. He says, "oh nothing." It's very annoying. So then I start asking him specific questions, and he then proceeds to answer my questions in the most nondescript, vague, generic way possible. It drives me crazy!

So yesterday I told him I am done with trying to talk to him at work. 5 minutes later he called me from a conference room somewhere in his office where he was alone. Then we could really talk. Thank you. That's all I want. I hate going the whole day without talking to him! I know I should leave him alone but it's too hard. Especially because when he gets home at night we can't really talk for the first hour because Lexi and Macey are blabbing to him about their days, and Logan is jumping on him and trying to wrestle.

Finally around 8pm when everyone is settled down we can talk. But by then we are usually so tired we just want to do nothing. I miss the good old days when we were both in school and could hang out all of the time. When do you guys talk to your husbands?

I might as well live in Alaska

I am cold ALL of the time. I've decided that it is diminishing the quality of my life.

When you are constantly cold, your muscles are always tense and you are in pain. And all you think about is getting under some blankets or sitting on your behind in front of the heat dish. It's a waste of time to sit in front of the heat dish but that is what I do ALOT. I dread going outside or getting into my freezing cold car. I also dread washing my hands because I'm usually in a hurry and can't wait for the water to get warm. I often find myself standing in front of the warm oven with the door open when cooking something. All I think about all day is blankets, jackets, the heat dish and hot soup or chocolate. It is a miserable way to live. I dress in layers everyday including wearing a jacket around a lot. I use the heat dish. My heater is turned up to 72 everyday ( I can't bear to go higher because it costs too much). What else can I do? I've tried to talk Dave into moving to Hawaii but he is worried about the commute being too long. I say it's worth it to be warm all of the time! I love being warm. I can't wait till summer. Here is a picture of me doing what I do for many hours a day. Can anyone else relate???

Sick of the Mess!!!!!

Help! I am so sick of my house right now. I have raised 3 SLOBBY children who leave their junk everywhere and I have had it! I need help. Everywhere I turn there is a mess and piles of junk. I take time almost every night (not to mention the time during the day) to get the place in order and the next morning by 9 am the floor is covered again. We have most of our toys in the garage so I have no idea where all of the stuff comes from! As I look at my floor right now I see shoes, paper, rocks?!?, a toothbrush, light bright pegs, bowls (they're not even allowed to eat on the carpet!!!), books, baskets, books, more books, paper, project crafts from school, blankets, socks, a backpack, oh and there's a snotty tisuue! WOW! It is a nightmare and I want to throw it all away. I've threatened that but then can't follow through becasue I think someday we'll wish we had that item back. I feel like I can't get anything done until the house is clean and it is impossible to get it all the way clean all at the same time. Does anyone have any help they can give me? What works for you? What is the one organizational or house cleaning tip that has saved your life? Any punishment/get your kids to work tricks? Seriously, I can't stand this another day! Send me your advice.

A New Mow Lawner

The mow lawner. That's what Logan calls our lawn mower. So we had this super super old one and every saturday evening for the last 6 weeks when Dave is finally home during daylight he tries to start our mow lawner. Every saturday he strains a bunch of muscles in his arms and then never gets it started and it's too late to go buy one. So finally last friday after looking at our lawn and feeling embarrassed I loaded up my 3 kids and went to Lowe's to buy a new mow lawner. I asked the guy to show me his cheapest one (so then he hated me) and I bought the next step up. It actually looked pretty cool. He loaded it into my car as my kids were asking me, "mommy, how are we going to get it out of the car?" "oh," I reply, "daddy will do it tonight." "but mommy, daddy doesn't get home until really really late." Anyway, I was embarrassed because I didn't want the guy who was loading my mow lawner to know that puny little me was going to try to get this gigantic box out of my trunk.

So we get home and I try to lift the thing. It doesn't budge. Then I get Lexi and Logan to go under it and push up. Barely budges. But somehow I manuver it and slide it down my car and onto the floor. I then slid it into the garage. I felt really cool cause Logan was screaming, "you did it mommy!!!" Then I had to cut the box down so that I could get it out. Then (and I was very proud of myself again) I followed the step by step instructions and got it put together and ready to go! So I put a little gas in, put a little oil in and walla! I was ready. There were only 2 problems.... I wasn't strong enough to move the wheels to their highest position so the blade was in the lowest, closest to the grass position. Problem number 2..... I know nothing about oil and had know idea how much to put in so I guessed on that one.

Well, the next step was getting it started which turned out to be pretty easy compared to pushing it along the grass. I could barely move the thing!!!! For awhile I thought that I was just really weak but then when I saw the mud under my grass showing, I realized it was becasue it was in the lowest position and my grass was really long so pushing it along was almost impossible. I was using my leg to kick and get me a small running start and then I would just push for all I was worth! I definately pulled some muscles. The motor was loud so I couldn't hear anything but when I looked behind me Logan was jumping up and down screaming, "you're doing it mommy! You're doing it!" He really thought that it was only a daddy's job so he was proud of me. He wouldn't be proud for long though.

I was about to stop when I saw how short I was cutting the grass but no need to stop............ I heard a loud metal sound and it stopped itself. I broke our new mow lawner! Yes, for all of my readers out there who noticed the words "little bit" before the word "oil", you guessed it, I destroyed the new mow lawner's engine because I didn't put enough oil in it. Don't you think if that's the ONE way to ruin a brand new lawn mower 2 hours after you bought it they should write it in huge bold letters at the top of the page? DO NOT OPERATE MOWER UNLESS YOU POUR A WHOLE BOTTLE OF OIL INTO IT FIRST!!!! Well, I learned about oil the hard way. Now I know what it's for and how important it is. Never really thought about it before. So for 2 days our lawn looked like what you see in the picture. Yes, the lines going down the back hill is me thinking it would be easier to push if I went down hill. It wasn't.

Luckily, and to end on a happy note, Dave took it back to Lowe's and told them everything that happened and they gave us a new one! Thank you Lowe's!

Interesting side note: Through this experience I learned that my neighbor is a huge shouvenist! When Dave was explaining to him that I had bought a mower and tried to mow the lawn myself he said, "Can you believe "they" try to do these things? You leave for work and "they" get these ideas in their heads...... I mean, when "they're" gone we don't try to bake a cake do we? C'mon." ("they" meaning women.) Hello.

So there's my experience in lawn mowing. I tried it....... won't try it again that's for sure!

Terror at the doctors office

So I know a lot of you heard about my experience a couple of years ago when Lexi and Logan had to get shots on the same day and both went burserk and tried to run out the door and hide under the table etc. It was a crazy experience but luckily I was able to laugh through most of it.

Not the case yesterday. So it was Lexi's 5 year old check-up and I wasn't sure if she was going to get shots but I talked to her about it a little bit just in case. When we got there I found out that she did have to get shots so I talked with her some more in the office, and the doctor told her that after this time she wouldn't need anymore until she was 11. So it looked like she was doing ok, a little nervous, but she followed me into the room willingly. However, as soon as I picked her up to hold her on my lap and get ready for the shot, she went absolutely insane. Those of you who know Lexi know that she is a well-behaved, obedient, some-what quiet child. She is also smart and very easy to reason with. She most often listens to what I say and understands what I tell her. I have no idea what causes her to become a bucking bronco with rabies when it's time to get a shot. She went completely bonkers. She started kicking her legs wildly and at the same time she was swinging her upper body back and forth and shaking her head. She jumped face first off of my lap and onto the floor. She also began crying and screaming uncontrollably. She was arching her back and making it almost impossible to hold her. All the while I am trying to talk to her and explain that it will just take a second and pinch for a second and then it will be over with. She knows that shots are to make her healthier and I had explained earlier that she would get a special treat if she was really brave. Somehow the nurse and I got her shirt up and off of her arms and the nurse had the syringes next to us on the table about to administer the shots. At that point Lexi began screaming as loud as she could, "I HATE THIS! I HATE THIS! I'M NOT GOING TO DO THIS! I'M NOT GONNA DO THIS! I HATE THIS!" I, at first, had been laughing out of surprise and disbelief, but at that point I looked over at Logan and saw him sitting in the chair with his hands over his ears bawling his eyes out. I then looked over at Macey in the stroller and saw her also crying in fear and confusion. Before I knew what was happening, as I struggled to hold Lexi on my lap and pin all 4 of her limbs down, tears began to flow from my eyes too (much to my humiliation). So at that point I asked the nurse to stop and back up and I took Lexi into the corner thinking I could calm her down. I asked her what she thought would happen if she really got away and ran out the door. She didn't know so I explained that she had to get the shots and if she ran away we would just have to come back tomorrow. As I am talking she is shaking her head and trying to get her shirt back on, completely disobeying me, which is so unlike her! I was in shock, but knew that we needed to just get it done. So back up to the table we went and while she was yelling and screaming and fighting we were able to pin her 2 legs in between mine and while I held both arms across her body as tight as I could the shots were given. With each poke she screamed as loud as I have ever heard anyone scream. And I am not kidding. When it was finally over she just fell into a heap and bawled. It was the saddest thing ever. I had no idea that she would be so terrified. I guess I should have known because of my last experience but I thought as a big 5 year old I could talk her out of being so scared. So after comforting Logan and Macey and trying to get Lexi to stop crying and walk with me out the door, we entered the waiting room where we were met with stares of shock and horror from the other moms. I just walked right by hoping they wouldn't notice by sweat-drenched back. Later, I asked Lexi if the shots had hurt as much as she thought they would, or if they really were just little pinches that felt fine after a minute. She told me that both arms felt like someone had smashed 4 rocks into them. Wow. It was a traumatizing day for all of us and I have already planned to schedule future immunization days when Dave can be the attending parent. Thanks for letting me vent. Luckily, I have been able to get her to laugh about it a little bit when I tell her that my sweet little Lexi turned into a wild bucking bronco. She laughs a little, but it isn't as funny to her as it might be when she's older and hopefully has a child that does the same thing to her!

Bye for now!