The Quotes below are from leaders of my church. I'm obsessed with this subject.
"Don’t overschedule yourselves or your children. We live in a world that is filled with options. If we are not careful, we will find every minute jammed with social events, classes, exercise time, book clubs, scrapbooking, Church callings, music, sports, the Internet, and our favorite TV shows. One mother told me of a time that her children had 29 scheduled commitments every week: music lessons, Scouts, dance, Little League, day camps, soccer, art, and so forth.Families need unstructured time when relationships can deepen and real parenting can take place. Take time to listen, to laugh, and to play together."
"In choosing how we spend time as a family, we should be careful not to exhaust our available time on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better or best. A friend took his young family on a series of summer vacation trips, including visits to memorable historic sites. At the end of the summer he asked his teenage son which of these good summer activities he enjoyed most. The father learned from the reply, and so did those he told of it. “The thing I liked best this summer,” the boy replied, “was the night you and I laid on the lawn and looked at the stars and talked.” Super family activities may be good for children, but they are not always better than one-on-one time with a loving parent."
"The amount of children-and-parent time absorbed in the good activities of private lessons, team sports, and other school and club activities also needs to be carefully regulated. Otherwise, children will be over-scheduled, and parents will be frazzled and frustrated. Parents should act to preserve time for family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, and the other precious togetherness and individual one-on-one time that binds a family together and fixes children’s values on things of eternal worth. Parents should teach gospel priorities through what they do with their children."
"Family experts have warned against what they call “the overscheduling of children.” In the last generation children are far busier and families spend far less time together. Among many measures of this disturbing trend are the reports that structured sports time has doubled, but children’s free time has declined by 12 hours per week, and unstructured outdoor activities have fallen by 50 percent."
The reason I am obsessed with this is because I have come to realize that I feel angry, unhappy, and frazzled when we are over-scheduled. When I am angry, unhappy and frazzled my kids feel it, and it changes the whole mood of our family into a negative one!
I don't want to be over-scheduled! But in this day and age it is a constant battle not to be. Everyone else is doing it. I need to work on saying no, and on learning what my kids really need in their little lives. It is definitely not another lesson, sport, or party (too bad I just rsvp'd for another one today!) It doesn't seem like it should be hard to choose peace and tranquility, but it is.
My plan to get more "at home family time:"
- Plan ahead better. If I would sit down with my calendar every Sunday night and plan the week, we wouldn't be running around quite as much. I could choose what to yes to, and what to say no to, and make sure we get the good stuff in. My friend Celia is good at this and I am going to start doing it better.
-Get ready to leave early. I used to be really good at this. If we had to be somewhere at 4pm I would start getting everyone ready at 3:30- find shoes, pack snacks, get their gear, whatever. Now I tend to get busy doing stuff at home and then start yelling at everyone to get their shoes and gear 10 minutes before we're supposed to be there! Then someone, inevitably, cannot find their stuff and we become frantic and upset. Then we're a few minutes late for our event and my heart palpitates. That's very bad. I'm going to start getting ready early again.
-Get rid of junk. It's hard to have peaceful at home time when I see messes everywhere and want to clean them up instead of doing something meaningful with my kids. I'm so over toys and I am going to be doing an enormous summer clean out project in the next few weeks. Why do we need so much stuff? Anyone want mine? I'm done with it.
- "Just say no" to extra stuff that we can't do! If I haven't had a day or two a week to be at home with my kids doing nothing, then I'm going to just say no to whatever else comes up. Easier said than done I'm sure, but it's worth a try.
What else should I do?
Please advise.
40 comments:
Oi, well if you figure out the magic formula you better spill it. I'm the queen of under-scheduling and we STILL are crazy busy.
I am so with you on this! I feel frantic and anxious when over-scheduled, but feel guilty for saying No to frivolous stuff. My dad used to say, "don't get caught up in the thick of thin things." I think I need to post that everywhere in my house!! I am going to dejunk this summer as well and get rid of 1/2 our toys--they don't play with them anyway when there are so many options!
the menu calendar is a huge stress reliever for me. i plan 2 weeks at a time, make the grocery list so it includes all the items i'll need for those meals, and then VOILA! no stress about what to make, not having items on hand, etc. i let the kids pick a meal as well, and that way everyone's happy at least once. plus, on their meal night, they can help cook, which they love.
of course, now that my husband is away, we're eating mac and cheese or pancakes every night. but whatever.
Oh, I went through this a while ago. I got really good at saying "NO" and started to feel really guilty (about what I'm not sure) then I got over it. I realized how calm we had all become with less going on. No one is happy when things are rushed & frantic. I do the same thing with my calendar at the beginning of the week & it works like a charm. Good luck!
This is such a great topic for discussion. I can gauge how well I am doing as a mom by how few times I am telling my kids to "hurry!" I am really trying to be better at this. Just slow down, enjoy the moments and like you said, don't overbook our time.
These are great ideas, especially giving myself more time to get out the door. Oh, and I am so over toys too. My son is turning 5 this week, but we already have every boy toy on the planet since we have three boys. I just don't ever want to buy another toy again. But what do you buy a 5 year old? Aaaahhh, of course I will give in. Maybe I should come get your toys.
sometimes a partner in crime helps with things like getting rid of junk. it's much easier to help some one else go through their junk than your own.
I find it pretty easy not to over schedule when you don't have enough money to do fancy things. I intend to DO fun things with my kids, free things, this summer. or I'll have my husband do it while I work!
You are so good to be working on this. I think its a huge challenge in our day. Thanks for sharing those quotes. I love the days that we are just hanging out with nothing to do and nowhere to be. It forces them to get creative. I am trying, also, to have days where I just let things get really messy and let them do their little projects, however messy it may be because they love it.
I'm so with you girl! I also feel guilty everytime I say no, but I'm trying to get better at it.
Good luck to all of us!
It makes it hard now that school is out because you have whole days that you have to try to deal with. Good luck.
Have you started the book club book? It is so good. You read a lot of parenting books so it may be cliche but I have Alex reading it right now so we can plan our summer.
(25 mistakes LDS Parents Make and How to Avoid Them by Randall Wright)
Good for you!! One suggestion...come up with something clever to say when people ask what you are doing for the summer or summer plans etc. Like, we are going to spend a lot of time together as a family. I plan to play, teach and hug my children daily. yeah, whatever.
I have just recently moved and the first few months of a move are my favorite family time...no schedules (yet) and you only have each other. It is family bonding unmatched!
Good topic. This is my suggestion--it's a little anal but it worked for me when I was trying to fit in the gym at night. I relate the gym to relaxed time with the kids because, even though it's so important, it's very easy to cast it to the wayside when someone asks you to do something "real." It's hard to say "I can't, I'm hanging out at home doing nothing." So what worked for me was to actually block out time on the calendar when I wanted to go to the gym. It was surprising how little time was even available. Then, when I was blindsided with an invitation, I could just say with confidence,"I can't, I have other plans." It made the gym (or in your case unscheduled time) a priority and gave it the importance it deserved.
And it cracks me up that you have Buster on your sidebar as the thing you are loving. Come on, deep down don't you think he's sick? We want to hear it.
No offense to Buster.
I agree, it's tough. But I don't think it has anything to do with 'everyone else is doing it' as much as the fact that we live in a world now that doesn't have the option of kids running around with unstructured time. I mean, my kids ride bikes, but I am always there and they are very limited in where they can go. I used to leave in the morning and come home when I was hungry. It's so sad that my kids will never have that kind of life.
As for lessons, etc. I limit each child to 2 things. That includes preschool and the required piano. With 4 kids, it's not possible to do more and keep family time.
The thing that helps me most in overscheduling is only having one activity at a time per child. It may be soccer, karate, or gymnastics. I have 4 children, so that is enough!
I don't know what else, but it sounds like a good idea to me. Sometimes I am forced into a crazy schedule because of my sons autism.. I feel if i don't do his therapy, classes, etc, he won't progress, but sometimes it is at the detriment of the rest of 'em. Frustrating.
Yeah, I agree. Although Haley isn't old enough to be involved in a lot, I notice it a lot with families in our ward and I am always saying to Jared that I don't want to do that but I know that it will be hard to not give in. However, I really feel that it is so important to not overschedule and to spend more quality time with your kids. Thanks for the wonderful quotes and tips. You are a great mom Denae!!!
Cute family photo!!!
I agree with all of this. My kids want to take a break from soccer next year and I am thrilled! Even Skyler wants a break and wants to try basketball. This fall we are going on hikes and going to have some fun other than sitting at games!
p.s. I just framed the pic you took of Mylie for Latoya- her b-day is on Mon. and I know she is going to love it. Thanks!!
Hi Denae, Cut Blog. I was saying a silent amen to everything, but can't give advice on the subject because I fail miserably way to often. Good luck and let me know what works.
Amen blog friend. Amen!
Love the family photo! This is all great stuff! I agree with all of it! I know I need to organize myself and family better so we can spend more time together.
Good luck, Denae. It is so hard to say no to friends, but it has to be done.
I love the quotes, thanks for sharing them.
Oh yeah, because my family is so so good at having unscheduled time, that's why you should calendar like me. But thanks for the compliment. I'd be happy to indoctrinate you.
I think you are already good at unscheduling, and don't get me started on the cleaning. Oh, and Lexi looks like she's seventeen in that photo. Cute girl.
Thank you so much for posting this because I feel like we are really struggling around here.
It is really, really hard to say no. I keep wanting my kids to find a passion and a sport or activity to enjoy but, I finally realized that they don't have to do something every season.
I have been feeling EXACTLY the same way. Here is to de-cluttering not only the closets, but our busy lives!!
Hey Denae, I'm so glad you said hi on my blog because now I found yours and I LOVE it! I'm totally going to keep checking this out. In fact, I think I'll book mark this page so I can keep remembering to slow down. Life just gets way too crazy. What a cute family you have. You live by Brigitta? I love her. Snuggle that little baby of hers extra from me.
My kiddos aren't quite to the age of over scheduling, but I can totally see how it can take over your life. Good for you to recognize how it's effecting family and to make a plan--good luck!
I agree with the toys issue. Most would think toys=fun, but really toys=mess! When I start to get frantic I tell my kids if they don't clean up their stuff up it all is going to be given away. Can't handle toys everywhere! As far as overscheduling. . . . good luck with that. Let me know if you come up with something good!
Much better family photo, no photoshop heads floating around!
I love this post! I love every quote you gave! Ever since womens conference I have been trying so hard to spend more time with my kids and enjoy every single second of it.
you are a super mom!
I like your new plan.
I need a new plan.
BADLY.
Thanks for these wonderful quotes... I think your life is SO balanced. To me, you are supermom! I want to be like you when I grow up!
This is one of the hardest things for me, because I am someone who LOVES to be involved in EVERYTHING...but I know (seriously) that that is not what HF wants for me or my family and I've tried to find the balance.
One thing i did a few months ago: I fasted about it on Sunday and then that whole week said prayers during the day that I could know what was good and what was too much. I would pay attention to how I felt after I did an activity (helping in the classroom, canning with friends, girls night out) and then made decisions accordingly.
I love to look at my calendar and see an empty box. Those are the best family days!
I'm obsessed with this subject and can't get it sorted out. In a strange sort of way, I'm looking forward to our move which forces the clean slate of a calendar. The goal will be to not fill up the calendar because it's so empty now!
You don't even know me, but I love this post. My sons teacher asked me what camps he was signed up for this summer. I told him a Chemistry camp (lets make ice cream) an Art camp (paint the house anyone?) a music camp (pound on the piano counts right?) and a computer camp (x-box is a computer right?) He seemed more content with that answer than, Playing in the Yard is all we are doin'.
Good luck to you!
Thank you for gathering all of those awesome quotes into one place! I definitely love hearing these things and having this be an issue that is brought to all of our attention. The prophets are always so ahead of the game and know what is best for us, so this must really be important for us to remember right now. But I need to figure out how to make this work in our lives, too.
I just found your blog by chanceafter typing into google: 25 Mistakes LDS Parents Make and How to Avoid Them" by Randall Wright. Little did I know that I would stumble across another mother just like me! I too am feeling the call to make my home better and make it all count. I have three beautiful gems to call my own and want so much for them to have a good mom, not perfect, but doing the things that the Lord needs me to do for THEM. Thank you for your post and come visit me anytime on our family blog. =)
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