Suffocation at church by my children might be my new worst way to die.
Why is it that Sacrament Meeting causes my children to feel the need to "touch mommy" as much as possible. Everyone's body is always touching me. Even Dave's giant elbow can't stay away. Everyone has to squeeze in front of my legs to get by. Where are they going anyway? My children are not allowed to leave the room so why do they need to be passing by my legs so many times? Just to get to the other side of me? How exciting!
Also, why does everyone in front of me have a giant head. I can never see! When you can't see, have multiple children and a husband touching, bumping, tapping and laying on you, AND can't hear due to the loud toddler behind you, it makes it very difficult to pay attention.
Then your mind begins to wander to strange lands. Like the land called, "how many vacations will I get to go on this year?" And the other land called, "how can I find a way to go shopping this week by myself?" And don't forget the mind wandering to "what treats will we get in relief society" land. I wish my mind could stay focused on the speaker. I think I need to practice more mind self control.
Question: how do you escape being touched while sitting on the bench at church?
p.s. I only don't want to be touched by everyone some days. Sometimes I'm a good mom and let them lay on my lap and sit on me and tap me a lot and I don't mind. You know women's moods change a lot so you understand.
Why is it that Sacrament Meeting causes my children to feel the need to "touch mommy" as much as possible. Everyone's body is always touching me. Even Dave's giant elbow can't stay away. Everyone has to squeeze in front of my legs to get by. Where are they going anyway? My children are not allowed to leave the room so why do they need to be passing by my legs so many times? Just to get to the other side of me? How exciting!
Also, why does everyone in front of me have a giant head. I can never see! When you can't see, have multiple children and a husband touching, bumping, tapping and laying on you, AND can't hear due to the loud toddler behind you, it makes it very difficult to pay attention.
Then your mind begins to wander to strange lands. Like the land called, "how many vacations will I get to go on this year?" And the other land called, "how can I find a way to go shopping this week by myself?" And don't forget the mind wandering to "what treats will we get in relief society" land. I wish my mind could stay focused on the speaker. I think I need to practice more mind self control.
Question: how do you escape being touched while sitting on the bench at church?
p.s. I only don't want to be touched by everyone some days. Sometimes I'm a good mom and let them lay on my lap and sit on me and tap me a lot and I don't mind. You know women's moods change a lot so you understand.
28 comments:
Ha! I can so relate! I need to work on my mind wandering too. It gets challenging when there are so many distractions!
Hee, hee! This is so funny and true. My mom used to go nuts when we were in the mall and couldn't walk without bumping into her.
She'd scold us by saying, "Stop walking like a bunch of penguins!"
Perhaps you could ask your kids to stop sitting like a bunch of penguins. Think it will work?
I think it's funny you don't want your hubby touching you either. I don't mind my hubby touching me a church, but I really mind during dinner.
He has this terrible habit of finishing before I do, then he sits there and pats my back. ARGGG! It's his own fault, but I must give him the evil eye and tell him to back off.
I totally understand!! I think its just hard to sit still during sacrement meeting, even for me. But unless the speaker is interesting, my mind wanders constantly...so its normal!
Denae, I love your blog! I read it far more than you may know - it just makes me happy and feel good because I think so many of the same things and never thought anyone else did! I picked this one to comment on because it's the only one that has less than 20 comments already so I thought you might have time to read it and know that I'm one of your biggest fans. Thanks for brightening many a blah day!
D- there is really no way to escape it. The only thing I can do in sacrament to get through the chaos is to eat the children's snacks with them. I also always have a BIG water bottle that I drink in Sacrament meeting. I have seen the Bish give me dirty looks before. Also, many stares from ward members but it is over an hour and I have to be comfortable to listen. And tell Dave he needs to move his elbow. :)
Hey! this is Lesley's friend! I was just doing some blog hopping. And I am in love with the post! I cannot stop laughing! I can so relate! Except, I feel like this way more often then the occasional Sunday at church! Oh the life of a mother. . . . . gotta love it! When you figure out the answer to your question . . . Let me know!
The worst thing, the very worst thing is when my husband has his arm around me on the bench and when he wants to move it, he brings his arm back and ALWAYS clonks me on the head with his elbow. Never fails. It makes me so mad because it has been happening for almost 21years and it makes me madder that I still get mad about it. Why can't I just smile about the weekly head clonk?
Yes, the one advantage to giving a talk (like my lucky self did, yesterday) is that I sat alone. No children. So nice. Except I couldn't do anything yucky, like pick my nose (a big temptation) cause everyone a church was looking at me.
So with you on this!! One Sunday that was particularly bad, I left early to get ready for Primary and Ryan came in later and said, "I feel so bad for you because you have 2 more hours of kids being all over you!"
(And my mind always wanders to blog compositions during church. Bad.)
OH MY GOSH. I know exactly what you mean. It makes me crazy to be in such close confines with my kids. Always reaching over to get something out of the church bag. My daughter climbing up and touching my hair. Or my earrings. Or my face. My boys going in and out to the bathroom.
And where's my husband? Either asleep or playing with his palm pilot. UGH.
No wonder I'm not very spiritual.
What I have learned about Sundays-
Never wear a wrap dress.
You tend to show your "religion" to everyone around you when kids climb all over you!
The thing you commented on that bothers me the WORST is when they go back and forth. Levi is ALWAYS stepping on my feet in the process and always needing to squeeze past my folded legs. Which means I need to UNfold them so he can get by and it just drives me so nuts you can't believe it!!! One time I told him if he went back and forth one more time I was going to stick him in the car all by himself. That made him behave for the rest of the meeting. But... it doesn't always work. And why are they always bothering MOMMY and not DADDY? Levi NEVER needs to stop on John's feet. Always mine. GRRRRRR!
I agree, you can't escape it!
Also, I never iron my skirt, or spend too much time getting ready. There is no point. At the end of the meeting I always look a mess. Half eaten, soggy pretzels on my shirt, frazzled hair, and pete and I haven't sat by eachother in years...we can't. We each have to block one side of the row so no little person can toddle away. My worst thing is when they poke you in one spot over and over and over again before you can stop it because you are doing something else. The poke feeling remains with you for awhile.
Thank you for this blog. It is always nice to hear other people feeling the exact same way. Thankfully at church we have nursery and primary to look forward to....UNLESS it is STAKE CONFERENCE and you have sit there for TWO HOURS with people touching you! Thankfully yesterday, I packed my bag full of candy..not to share with my kids, just to sneak for myself... it became a game for me and helped me get through the tough moments.
This is too funny! I was just talking about this the other day with a friend. It doesn't matter where I am, my kids seek me out and end up climbing all over me, crowding my lap, etc. Not sure how to escape it - guess it's just one of the hazards of the job ;)
Ok Denae, I am crying and drooling...this blog is hilarious! I love all the comments that follow! Sadly, I am wishing for pokes and toddling people, then I'd have an excuse for my lack of attention in Sacrament mtg. Normally I am so cold in church I go into a little cold coma trying to extract any warmth from Mike, whether it is my legs wrapped around his or me huddling under an armpit or flat out cuddling!
Too true!! My kids favorite thing to do is step on my skirt, so I sometimes get a nice footprint on my lap for the rest of the meetings.
Sacrament meeting is the worst! We have church from 1-4pm and it is backwards so Sacrament Meeting is at the very end of a long day. The Bishopbric is constantly sending out reminders to be reverent during Sacrament Meeting. I'm puzzled because I KNOW these people had young children of their own years ago. This must be a church period that we eventually block out completely.
your blogapalooza sounds like so much fun..wish i could go..let me know how it goes..sacrament is a tough one when you have little kids..but i'm with summer on this one..eat your kids snacks..i always bring a lunch bag full of snacks for ella.. josh and i always eat with her..it really helps and it makes the time go by faster...(except for fast sundays:()...my house is on .38 acres
Church was ok yesterday...but today just the SOUND of my third child's voice puts me into eye-twitch mode. Some days they really drive me crazy...love 'em but I would like a MUTE button!
So funny! I think we all can relate. I have no advice though. I really can't stand the back and forth and the touching myself. Sundays should be "mom's personal space day". The mind wandering....can't help you there either. I usually get looking at everyone else around me and thinking about them, then my mind wanders to my to do list for the upcoming week at which point I try to get out a pen and paper to write soem things down I just thought of but I can't because there are children at my legs or on my lap. very frustrating indeed.
I must say I'm sorry, because I know I'm the "giant head" in my ward.
Just be thankful your ward isn't full of ladies with purple hair and the rotten smell of old age. Your mind goes places you couldn't believe!
it is posts like these that make me SOOOOOO sad I'm going to miss Blogapalooza - cursed State Department job! I can't wait to meet you in the flesh and I promise NOT to touch you!!
That's funny...I don't think you can avoid being touched in church, it comes with the territory. But Madisen brings things to keep her entertained and that really helps.
Oh, it's sheer torture. My dream is to get called to the Bishopric so I can sit up there by myself. In church I'm further convinced that if they had their way, ALL of my children (and husband, of course) would just crawl right back in.
I know I am late to comment on this post, but I have a couple of things to say.
First, how is it any better to have Alice sit with you in S meeting? You saved my life Sunday. I was going crazy.
Second, when oh when am I going to have my husband sit with me again? I would love to have an extra pair of hands. The elbow I could live without.
I haven't heard a single word spoken in sacrament meeting for over 4 years now. I have no idea how to help you... I vote you bring a stockpile of fruit snacks to keep people's mouths busy and threaten them with certain death....
You hit it on the head. It is not that I don't love my family, I just don't love them touching me all the time. Anyway, we have a similar problem with the bathroom. How come any time I am in the bathroom, eventually everyone comes in. Don does not have this problem. I guess I need to lock the door.
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