FULL STORY ADDED BELOW!!!
I just finished a big Church Enrichment night so I am way too tired to think about blogging. Dave is on the phone right now with an old friend.
And my heart feels a little broken!
You want to know why? Well, tonight, while I was at the church thing, Dave took the kids to the Swim Team Awards night. Just now when I went into their room to peek at them, I see a big old trophy and 6 medals on Lexi's dresser. Nothing on Logan's. I feel like crying. If he even didn't get anything I am going to crazy on the swim team people!!!! What ever happened to a trophy for trying your best and almost drowning every day???!?!?!?!?!? Participation awards maybe??!?! When Dave gets off the phone, I'll get the full story and I'll let you know. I really hope that maybe Logan got all those same medals and trophies as Lexi, but just didn't care about them so they're in the car or something. I really hope that's what happened. Cause if he had to sit through an awards night and watch his sis get tons and he got nothing?? Well, like I just said, I'm going to be extremely mad.
Good night!
ADDITION:
Ok, so, I found out the whole story and I cried for an hour last night. I know it sounds totally dumb but, of course, since I wasn't there at the awards night, I kept imagining the worst. I kept imagining all the kids getting up over and over to receive their medals and Logan only getting the one. Well, he did only get one measly medal for participation. And it is a really good thing Dave was there and not me. I probably would have cried in front of everyone including Logan which would not have been good.
I've read and been told that you should never feel sorry for your child because they will feel it and then they'll grow up feeling sorry for themselves. So this morning I congratulated Lexi and Logan. Logan told me he didn't get a trophy. So I asked him if he was sad about it or if he was o.k. with it.
He said, "I'm ok with it, mom. I just kept thinking, 'there's always next year!'"
And then I had to hide my face since I almost cried again. I know I'm silly but I felt proud of him for being mature about it and having a positive attitude. He gets that from his dad. I know if I had been there and been all upset he would have seen it and then felt that way too. But Dave explained to him that he was racing against all kids that were older than him (he was the youngest) and Lexi was swimming against younger kids. Logan understood that and knows that next year he'll be at the top of his age group. SO ANYWAY! My heart is still a little broken but I'm fine and most importantly, Logan is fine.
I guess little disappointments build character BUT I still don't think they need disappointments of this magnitude until they are older. I would rather have had this happen to him when he was 10 or something!
Somehow I need to figure out how deal with the problem we are having with Lexi being too good at everything and how Logan compares himself with her because they are so close in age. Lexi scores goals in soccer every game and Logan hasn't scored yet (which is fine, it's his first year!!!) and Lexi won an award the first month of school and Logan didn't (does that matter? No, but Logan sees Lexi getting it and then wonders why he didn't), and then, Lexi wins tons or ribbons, medals and a trophy for swimming and Logan just gets one. It is hard and I'm not sure what to do. I'm proud of Lexi ,of course, but I just would rather everything could be equal which I know is not realistic BUT it would make my life easier. I want to maybe find something that Logan can do all by himself , something Lexi doesn't do at all and can be HIS thing. And maybe I shouldn't have them doing all of the same things.
WOW, I am rambling. Those are my problems. Thanks for the comments. Have a good day!
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21 comments:
Denae, please tell me this isn't true. I need the full story immediately because that would be outrageous if he got nothing! They can't do that to kids. I will be extremely mad.
Yep. I'm feeling slightly responsible. I know he got at least one medal like Henry and Max...right? I hope I am right. And excellent enrichment. You busted your heinie.
Don't they give ALL the kids something?? I'm confused, were both kids in separate competitions?
Yeah, that's just not right if he didn't get something! I'll be ticked too! They should not be allowed to do that to kids! He for sure gets a participation award and an award for looking the cutest in his swimsuit and goggles! You'll have to let me know! GRRRRR!!!
No way, that stinks. Hope he got a medal, at least. My fingers are crossed!
I really hope you found out that he did get something. But even if he only got one little medal, I'm crazy obsessed with having everything equal, so I wish that they would make sure that all kids receive similar amounts of rewards. They're just too young to start dividing skill levels in such an obvious way.
Congrats on being done with Enrichment! What a great feeling that must be. I bet you slept great last night!
I hear ya on this one. Just two weeks ago I was at our local county fair. I was checking out the 4H projects (since there is not much else at the Rexburg, Idaho fair) and noticed that all the little girls who did Scrap Book pages received blue ribbons except one little girl who they gave a red to. What? They all get blue but one? It's 4h, they were scrapbook pages and they are LITTLE girls. I was so mad. (And I didn't even know the little girls) If there would have been someone from 4h in the building at the time...they would have been SORRY!
I hope it all worked out for your little guy. If not, watch out huh??!?
Oh that makes me so sad for him. And now I am happy we didn't go, because I don't think Jacob would have gotten any awards and that just would not fly with him. Maybe we should have our own swim awards night.
Brigitta, next year let's have our own night for sure. Where everyone gets the same thing.... a trophy! Every kid just wants a trophy! And now Logan has to look at Lexi's everyday sitting there on her dresser knowing he didn't get one. Ok, I'm being dramatic, I know, but still. It's just a little sad.
Denae, I've been there - done that!! You will always feel sad for your kids all of their lives. It's a learning experience and Logan will come into his own -- even with Lexi. They should have had something for effort tho!!!
I'm glad he got something at least, impressed with how he handled it, and totally sympathetic to how you feel. It stinks to see your kids disappointed. But I think you have a good idea to maybe get him involved in some of his own stuff so the temptation to compare isn't there as much. But for now, don't worry too much. Kids are stronger than we think sometimes. And I think the most important thing is that he knows his parents love him, and I'm sure there is no doubt in his mind of that.
Maybe he can get at least one medal that celia will make (buy) for beating Henry. Now that kid is slow.
I've been told before that I come from the school of tough-love, so I might get booed here, but I'm against giving kids awards just cause their names are on the team roster! I'm not saying that Logan didn't deserve anything, goodness knows he tried his best out there, but I guess what I'm saying is I'm against kids getting in the habit of expecting an award or reward for every little thing they do. I think kids should be prepared for real life, and in real life, you don't get awards for participation, you hardly get awards for anything, but you learn to be satisfied knowing you put in your best efforts. I'm so proud of Logan for already thinking forward to next year, and trying his hardest again! Working toward a trophy wouldn't be anything special if you knew you were going to get one whether you tried your darndest or merely "showed up". Having parents who care and stay for practices and cheer at meets is worth a hundred trophies, and I bet Logan would tell you that in a second. :) Yay for Logan, and congrats to Lexi for being a talented swimmer.
Michiko, in a way, I totally agree with you. I don't like it when kids totally expect rewards all of the time and I DEFINITELY think situations like this one teach them what real life it all about. It is just hard to see it happening and him having to learn real life when he seems so little to me. But it is probably best to learn it now while he's young. Thanks for your comment.
D-dawg! Just remind him about all the girls that you saw chasing him around the playground the other day at school. He is such a handsome kid! He will have LOTS going for him. He just needs to find his little niche. My brother was like this as a little boy. Now- he loves and is good at art, skim boarding and fixing old cars. I never got awards when I was younger and sometimes it made me sad. My parents always said how well I did though. That is exactly what you are doing and to him... that is all that counts!
I was a little nervous posting that last comment. I hope it didn't seem too harsh. I hope you know it wasn't directed at Logan, I'd give that kid a trophy just for standing there and being so darn cute (ahem, I mean, "handsome")! But in general, I think it's a little silly how easily kids get awards these days. My heart breaks too when I see any of my kids struggling with something, or unhappy because they feel they were excluded or picked on. . . ESPECIALLY now, like you said, when they seem so little. I definitely sympathize with that feeling. As a mom, I think it's automatic that you want to rescue your kids, or help them out at the slightest signal of trouble, or make sure that they are being treated well and fairly. You should see me volunteering in Maika's classroom - I'm a wreck! But life is hard, life isn't fair, and the more they learn to work through things, and be confident in at least one thing - the love and unwavering support of mom and dad, I think the healthier for them in the long run.
End of my soapbox. :)
Your kids & your experience, I guess it doesn't phase me too much But put me in your shoes with my kids and I'd probably cry too. I don't know what Dave did, but I'd like to know so that I can remember it for when my kids go through it.
That would totally make me cry too, Denae. But I also remember as a kid that I felt worse for my mom when I failed at something or lost an election than I felt for myself. So I'm sure he's fine!
Denae,
My heart was breaking as I was reading this. I dont' know how I'm going to handle my own kids disappointments. What a cute little guy looking forward to next year though, that's the attitude.
By the way I would totally find some activity that is Logan's alone so he won't be able to compare his acomplishments with Lexi's, (I had an older sibling that was better than me at EVERYTHING!) Luckily I branched out and developed some of my own talents.
I understand the comparison. My two girls, nearly two years apart, are always talking about how unfair everything is --especially my #2. #1 has friends over, goes to see friends, has school, parties, piano lessons, is my helper with the baby, etc. #2 has hardly anything. So I try really hard to include #2 whenever I can, give her "big-girl" stuff to do, and encourage her own talents. It's rough, and I understand!
I have to second michiko. On everything. But good for you, Denae, for not letting him see you cry and asking him how HE felt about it. You're a great mom!!
Denae, I know this can be difficult to do considering practices and all, but have you considered putting them in different sports, or finding out what Logan is really good at and letting him go it alone? or putting him in a "boys only" sport like football?
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