Wednesday, May 09, 2012

My Grandma B

Lexi (who is named after her great-grandma) and Grandma

It's midnight and I can't sleep so I am going to write about my Grandma.  She died today.  I know she was old, and I know she wanted to go, but it doesn't matter- I still feel sad.  I can't pick up the phone to call her and hear all the details about our family.  I can't tell her about my life and know she cares.  I will miss her.  Of course I believe in life after death.  I have had a lot of happiness today imagining her reuniting with my Grandpa up there.  I know without a doubt that she had a peaceful day today- so glad to be done with this life and to move on to the next.  And I know I will see her again.  She's my Grandma and we are sealed together as a family so she will always be mine.  But the separation of death is what is hard.  The loss for a time being of that person on earth.  Even if you only saw them once a year or so, once they are gone you just feel that they're not here on earth with you and that feels sad.

The last time I saw her was summer 2011.  I wanted her to meet Mack and a bunch of us stayed with her for a couple of days before heading to another reunion.  She held my baby and talked with my big kids and gave everyone hugs.  She would sit in her chair and ask us all about our lives.  She always wanted to know what was going on.  When it was time to say goodbye she hugged me and said, "Denae you're a good mom- I always knew you would be."  It was just something I really needed to hear and she must have known.

One thing about my Grandma is she had a lot of love to give.  I always felt loved by her.  She has 26 grandchildren and I know they all felt the same.  And then, we all started having kids and her love just kept on going.  My kids (her great-grandkids) have received countless letters, notes, and little gifts from her.  Whether is was a pillowcase, a Christmas ornament, or a cross stitch, my kids knew she loved them and they loved her back.  Whenever they wrote her a letter, she wrote them a letter in return.  She has approximately 30 great grandchildren (I might be missing one or two- too late at night to count) and she knew them all by name, knew their birthdays, and cared for them all.  That is amazing.  I want to be like her someday.

Remember how in my last post I talked about how overwhelmed and busy we are right now?  Well, none of that matters when someone you love dies.  Today I ate cookies, played guess-who with Macey, and sprayed the kids with the hose for-ever.  I thought about my Grandma and Grandpa and thanked Heavenly Father for them and for my memories.  I thought about my cousins and aunts and uncles that I will get to see soon and I felt thankful for them too.  I talked to my sisters and mom on the phone.  We sat outside this evening and watched Mack explore.  Life slowed down just a bit and it turns out that all those things I was stressing about don't matter quite as much as I thought they did.

I will miss my Grandma B so much.  But I am happy for her.  She told us all so many times she was ready to go.  She would say, "don't cry for me when I'm gone!"  I've had to cry a little but I'm trying not to.  I love you Grandma.


Rochelleht said...

Ah, what a blessing to have such a wonderful family! And what a blessing the gospel is. I LOVE the Plan of Salvation. Thanks for your testimony.

Michelle said...

Denae, I'm so sorry. I remember meeting your grandma and she is super sweet. What a special post.

Lauren in GA said...

Denae, I am really sorry for your loss. It really is hard when loved ones pass...even though, just like you said, we know we will be with them again.

I LOVE what she said to you about being a good mom...and how she always knew you would be. That is one of the sweetest compliments I have ever heard. She has believed in you all along. I'm sorry you are sad...

I love the pictures. The recent ones are so sweet and the ones where your three oldest are so young. You are so good about taking pictures. I need to be my kids will have them always.

Ashley said...

Denae I always loved Great Aunt Hazel. She was so kind and sincere whenever you sat to talk to her. I will be thinking of your family. It did make me happy to think of her and Bob together again. I love you, I hope all goes well with the funeral. Wish we could get there but Nolan's brothers wedding is the same day.

Toni Parmelee said...

Love Her! It makes me happy to know how happy she must be. She is a wonderful lady and we will miss her so much.

Stefani said...

I felt the exact same way when my grandma died. Thank you for this sweet post.

Autumn said...

Dear D,

I know how much love you have for your Grandma, what a special relationship. I am sorry you are sad. I'm thinking of you.

cici said...

Your post brought tears to my eyes, as I know how hard it is to lose a Grandma, no matter how old.
She will be there in every sunrise, sunset and hug. She is smiling down on your family and will watch out for you always.

Ashley said...

This reminds me so much of one year ago when my grandma died. She was ready to go too, but it was still sad to lose her, and I kept being surprised throughout the year when I'd remember something about her and start crying. I'm so sorry for your loss! But I'm also so glad you got that wonderful time with her (and pictures!) last summer! Thanks for the wonderful post.

brooke said...

I agree with Ashley..these are the same feelings I had when my grandma died. Wonderful tribute to her!

RaeAnn said...

I love Aunt Hazel and Uncle Bob! I am grateful they can be together, o but it is so hard to lose someone no matter how old.
Paul just reminded me that her dog's name is that made me smile when I hold our baby Katie.


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